who didn't love you?

Recently, I joined a group of ladies and discussed the topic of rejection. If you're at all like me, just the sound of the word can make you want to run away and hide. The speaker asked a very harsh question: "Who didn't love you?" Ouch. Names ran through my head. My heart ached. I did my best to think happy thoughts.

But there was no escaping it; we have all been rejected at some point. We offered our hearts, and the recipient refused. Perhaps they didn't think we were interesting enough, beautiful enough, skinny enough . . . just not enough.

No matter how loved we are, no matter how many friends we have, those few that have denied us always seem to be more prevalent in our thoughts. The rejection outweighs the acceptance.

Today, I experienced my first rejection online that actually stung. A week or so ago, I was matched up with a guy. He was tall, handsome, played the guitar, loved his nephew, seemed interesting. I "started communication," and he ignored my request. I "nudged" him. He still didn't respond. I made up excuses . . . maybe his computer is broken, he's out of the country, he doesn't check the site often, etc. But today, he saw my request to communicate and closed me out. It's sort of like tapping someone on the shoulder, saying, "Hi! I'm blah blah blah," and having them turn around, look you up and down, and walk away without a single word. Ouch.

But rejection is part of relationships. It's part of this game. I don't like it. And I don't like rejecting guys because they're not handsome enough, not tall enough, not interesting enough, not enough. I feel like I do more rejecting than accepting, and I hate it. Really. But it goes on in real life as well, I suppose. But I don't have to tell someone that I'm rejecting them face-to-face like I do online. And I don't have to be told either.

I'm not sure that any of us will ever become immune to the pain of rejection. Anyone who can say that they are is probably lying. We all want to be loved, to be told that we're beautiful, and to feel interesting.

I don't have any concluding thoughts on this. I wish I did . . . some trite little saying at the end of this. All I have to say is that rejection sucks.