it's the most wonderful time of the year?

This weekend, I did a little Christmas decorating, which is typically one of my favorite activities of the year. And it was fun, but . . . at some point in the middle of perfectly positioning the sparkly garland and hanging my lone stocking above the fireplace, I realized that I was doing this alone. Again.

I fought through the tears with the help of Bing Crosby and a delicious latte, but I couldn't help but focus on my loneliness. For some reason, Christmas reminds me that I am single. Maybe it's the lovey-dovey couples everywhere, the increase in engagements, the snow and the romance it brings, or having to face my family and all of my (much) younger siblings and cousins who are now married and having kids of their own. Just once, I would love to take my handsome, artsy, funny boyfriend home with me. But, once again, that won't happen this year.

Until that day comes, I'll just focus on how easy it is for me to choose where I'll spend the holidays -- no fighting over his parents' house or mine. That's something to be thankful for, right?

Sorry if this is a depressing post. And yes, I'm the same girl who posted a list of things she was thankful for on Thanksgiving. That still stands. So congratulations: you have now seen the full scope of my mood swings! :)

Panera...

I'm going out for lunch tomorrow. We'll see, but I'm not too confident. He seems really nice on paper, but we've had that before. Is it a bad sign if I'm already thinking of these things? I have to baby-sit at night, so I have to be home from lunch early-ish. That will be my out if things get awkward. I don't know if I'm ready for any of this!

thank you.

(photo source)

today is a day of thanks, so I thought I'd point out a few things, in particular that I am thankful for.

the ladies who have decided to join me in this dating venture and understand the challenges that come along with being single

encouragement from friends who are in good, healthy relationships

laughter

being single, as opposed to being in a bad relationship

the opportunities that being single provides

the hundreds of men who i've been matched with on eharmony, who remind me that there are still single guys out there -- and they want to be in a relationship

all of you, dear readers

hope

whiskey? no?

Okay, so I did it.

I actually went on a date with someone that I met online. Actually, I don't know if you can call it a "date." My friend refers to it as a "meet-up." I like this term better. He didn't pay. Well, he tried, but I beat him there (it was just a coffee shop, and we were just grabbing a light lunch), and I didn't feel like awkwardly waiting for him to get there, or making it seem like I was waiting on him because I wanted him to pay for it. Actually, I think he was bothered by it . . .

Well, maybe I should back up a bit . . .

So this guy and I started chatting about a month ago. He's perfect on paper: artsy, interesting, funny, smart, has a good job, etc. Just one e-mail into the "open communication" phase, he asked if I wanted to meet up. After an incredibly encouraging e-mail from a friend, I decided to say yes. I mean, why not, right? Still, I was nervous.

First of all, every single one of his photos online looked like a different person. How was I supposed to identify him? This turned out to be fairly easy in reality -- and so did the date, in general.

Tip: If you're nervous about meeting someone from online, meet up for lunch, and have a deadline. For example, we met on a Thursday, and I had to be back at work at a certain time. If it goes well, then great. If it doesn't, at least you have an out.

Anyway, he was a really nice guy, and everything that he said in his profile seemed to be true. He was interesting, artsy, etc., but I honestly wasn't attracted to him, and I felt like he was a little awkward. Also, I had to carry the conversation the majority of the time, which I did not enjoy. I found myself looking at the clock, which was strategically placed on the wall, right above his head.

We left the coffee shop, gave each other a hug, and he said, "Well, I'll e-mail you soon." I said, "Yeah, sure, definitely." But as I said it, I was already plotting the outline of my rejection e-mail. Brash? Maybe. But (and this may be a really weird statement), I found myself thinking that he was not the kind of guy that I could have fun with at a bluegrass show. I want a guy who will drink whiskey, slightly embarrass me by being overly chatty with everyone around us, and just, in general, have a good time. I don't think he was that guy.

Ironically, though I planned my rejection, he has not contacted me. It's interesting how quickly I can go from feeling like the rejector to the rejectee. (Are those even real words?) Yikes. I'm realizing that I may be a bit more vain than I had thought. Uh oh.

So . . . will I go out with anyone else from eHarmony? Maybe. I definitely feel more comfortable with the idea now. And I have proven to myself that I can turn a somewhat awkward situation into an okay one. Apparently, I'm good at talking about myself for an hour!

The fun never stops

Well, two Match dates in one week = one tired girl. Seriously, that is too much to be that witty for that many hours, especially when the second date lasted eight hours! That's a full day of work friends.

Let me back up a bit. First date of the week was fine but nothing to write home about (although he was awfully good looking). He actually couldn't look me in the eye. I wasn't sure if I should chalk it up to nerves or what but the conservation just wasn't there so I haven't persued a second date.

Second date was on a Friday night and we met for Happy Hour which led to drinks which led to dancing. And did I say drinks? I think that helped fuel the eight hour marathon. At the end of the date, he asked if I wanted to hang out again because he had such a great time. I agreed and proposed going on a date a few days later to this event I had free tickets to. He agreed and said he would call the day of the event to figure out when to meet up, etc.

Date came of said event and no word from this guy. An hour before the event, I start to panic mostly because I realize he probably doesn't want to go and now I am dateless/friendless to this event downtown. I scramble to find a friend that can take his place and everyone is busy. Awesome. I text him to make sure he doesn't want to go and finally hear back from him several hours later that night. Text reads - Oh my god I'm so sorry I haven't called! Bad day today

Really? Bad day? I'm having a bad day too now that I am missing this event I had free tickets to! I don't respond. Next morning - receive another text of apology and a promise to call later to explain him standing me up. He does call that night with an explanation. I'm not saying it was a good one, but I did say I would go out with him again but that he has to plan the date to make up for it and it had better be good:)

Food Meet Recap

So, I met my match on Saturday. We went to lunch and had good conversation for quite a while. There were no fights, no arguments, and while neither of us pulled any punches, we still had a good time.
Like I suspected, there weren't any romantic sparks, but maybe the beginning of a good friendship.

So, not much else on the meeting matches front, but I met one!

when coffee becomes scary . . .

The time has come: I have an official eHarmony date. We're meeting for coffee/lunch on a weekday. Because we both work for companies that give us a one-hour lunch break, this is good. Very good. If the date is terrible, I only have to stay there for a minimum of 60 minutes -- actually, less. If it's good, then . . . well, great!

In the mean time, I'll be worrying about

• what to wear
• what to say
• actually identifying him at the coffee shop
• not running into anyone I know
• etc., etc., etc.

Oh boy.

Stay tuned.

Ever?

I agree with must love fireworks and red wine.... will this ever work? Things are looking dreary indeed. Is there anyone out there who's not intimidated by a successful woman, pursuing her masters', who wants to travel the world helping people and doesn't want to live in the suburbs? Will I meet him before I'm old and still able to have children? I know that's why we did this experiment, but things have really looked dreary lately. I've stopped getting interesting matches from the 'harm and I'm starting to doubt that he's even out there. I'm SO TIRED of having to be happy for my friends who have the life I want to be living and WATCHING them live out my dreams. Is he even out there? Bueller?? Anyone?? Sincerely, FRUSTRATED.

I was right

Not sure if anyone remembers my last post about the guy choosing prepping for his bike riding race on Sunday over drinks with me on a Friday night (we made plans for Tuesday instead). I'd love to say we met up and it was love at first sight and by the end of the night I was teasing him about saying he couldn't meet up with me.

No, instead I arrived to work on Tuesday (the night of the meet up) to an email in my inbox titled "Oops". I'm not going to copy and paste, but it was about three sentences and said something to the effect of, "I've become otherwise engaged with someone else." He must have had one hell of a weekend then! I knew something was off about the whole situation and I can now see he was just postponing me until he probably had a date with another girl. I can say this because I have done the same thing. Oh, his loss I suppose. My favorite part of the whole situation was the subject of the email - Oops.

Good news is, have two dates lined up for next week. Hopefully I don't get blown off for them having to shave or something.

Oofta.

It took me 3 hours tonight to get the courage. To get the courage to return a phone call from Wednesday. A phone call inviting me to the Bronco game Monday night for our Date #2.

"The Bronco game? That's a great date!" my friend told me last night. Which of course it is, and which of course made my heart sink even a bit further because I still hadnt returned this phone call. Delaying the inevitable.... which was to try to figure out how to say that I'd rather go climbing with some friends than go to the Bronco game with him. Because, when you're just not interested, even the Bronco game doesnt sound so great. So, I finally found the courage, at 5 minutes to 10:00 to give him a call, and muster up the words to say I didn't think I was interested in going on a second date. The phone call lasted all of 2 minutes, because thats as long as it took me to tell him that I realized I had been avoiding calling him back because I just wasnt interested. And, for him to be sweet and tell me not to worry. And, of course, for him to tell me that his roommate knows me - turns out his roommate was a good friend of an ex-boyfriend of mine. Go figure.

letter from eHarmony

here is a letter i received from eHarmony today in my email inbox. my internal reactions and thoughts will be in parentheses. enjoy.

Dear (insert my real name),

You’ve been asking for it and it’s finally here! (what have i been asking for? more matches? true love or even just a date?)

Share your story, win great prizes and connect with other success couples like you. (win great prizes. yes please. wait, "other success couples like you"? when did i become a success couple? when did i even become a couple with someone? last time i checked i haven't even gone out on a date yet.)

Over the years, couples like you—that have found so much happiness and joy on eHarmony—have been requesting a way to share your stories with other like-minded eHarmony couples. During the next several weeks, eHarmony will be launching its Facebook page and we’re kicking it off with the Celebration of Love, a special tribute to success couples like you. (happiness and joy. really? i'm not experiencing happiness and joy on eHarmony. i'm experiencing comparison, disappointment, and rejection. why did i do this again?)

Meet, laugh, and connect with a community of people that have a very important shared experience with you—they too met the love of their lives on eHarmony. We invite you to post pictures, videos, favorite moments, and dating highlights. Our goal is to create a very festive celebration on the eHarmony Facebook page and we can’t do it without you!! (love of my life? i would love to meet the love of my life, but i'm not even getting a chance to do that since eHarmony hasn't sent me a match in over a week. maybe i should join the facebook page and post all the hellish experiences i have had with eHarmony in the past and this round.)

It wouldn’t be a party without gifts, so we will be giving them out every week. So be sure to share your story on Facebook and invite other success couples to do the same. (i like gifts! i don't think they will give me a gift for a bad story, so maybe i'll just make one up. that would be hilarious!)

Thank you so much. We can’t wait to see you on Facebook. Just go to www.facebook.com/eharmony or click on the button below to join us! (screw you eHarmony. i don't like you anymore.)



With very warm regards,
The eHarmony Success Stories Team (maybe you should form an eHarmony failure stories team)

A "food meet"

So I have been talking to a guy on Match.com for a few weeks now. I can't remember how I found his profile... but I did. I am not sure that I am romantically interested in him, but he is from a land that I love, so I wanted to get to know him a bit better.
We have had some good discussions and one argument... or debate on theological issues. This revolved mostly around praying to Mary and the saints. light stuff.
The debate ended with a bet. He bet me that the original Hebrew of a particular verse didn't say the same in an English Bible. He bet me lunch.
I don't pride myself on being a theologian, but when I looked at the 16 versions of the bible on my iPhone, 14 of them said the same word. I then went to find English translations of the Torah and the 2 that I found also said the same word.
So, not being satisfied, he asked some Torah expert friends of his.... while I waited. I was confident.
He let me know today that I was right, and that I could collect my winnings whenever I want.
So I made plans for lunch this Saturday. I hope that meeting him goes well, that he is more attractive in the real life than in his profile picture and that we don't get in a fight!

At least I am going to meet someone!

following

Based on the amount of comments and followers, not to mention the ridiculous number of random people who tell us they're reading our blog, we'd love to know how many readers we actually have.

If you haven't already become a "follower" of us, we encourage you to do so. If you're following anonymously or you don't want to be a follower, please leave us a quick comment on this post (anonymous is fine).

We're curious! :)

a day in the life

Awhile ago, Must Love Coffee & Skyscrapers gave you a nice succinct rundown of the structure of eHarmony; however, I thought I'd go a step farther and give you a step-by-step overview of the day in the life of an eHarmony participant. (Please note: We are not all doing eHarmony. Some are doing Match.)

Step 1: Check e-mail in the morning to see if I actually received matches. These mysterious notifications regarding potential dream guys (or not) sneak into my inbox at some point in the middle of the night. Most days, I receive somewhere between 5 and 10 new matches. Yes, every single morning.

Step 2: Log into eHarmony. This is more difficult than you might think. You see eHarmony must have realized that the temptation exists for friends and family to log into an account and have some fun with profiles and matches, so they don't "remember" your login name and password. I'm annoyed by this on a daily basis, though I'm sure I would be appreciative if the threat existed for someone to log in as me.

Step 3: Check out the new profiles.

Step 4: Review and decide if I am going to close them out, keep them, or start communication.

Let's take a look at today's matches:

Bachelor #1: engineer, 27 years old, 6'0", Christian, wants kids, drinks about once a week, never smokes.

Pros: Well, there aren't many. He likes Seinfeld. I guess that's a pro.

Cons: Might like Seinfeld a little too much; he lists the characters as the most influential people in his life. And his profile photo sort of looks like a mug shot.

Verdict: Close.

Bachelor #2: retail manager, 32 years old, 5'9", Christian, wants kids, drinks about once a week, never smokes.

Pros: Seems to really respect his mom.

Cons: He says his pets are his primary focus. Do I want to compete with animals? No. Also, he sent me an "icebreaker," which is basically equivalent to the winks of match.com. it said, "Just wanted to say hi!" but then he didn't start communication. I think this means he's throwing the ball in my court in a lame kind of way.

Verdict: I'll leave him open for now, but if he doesn't initiate communication this week, he'll be closed.

Bachelor #3: park ranger, 26 years old, 5'10", Christian, wants kids, drinks about once a week, never smokes.

Pros: Seems like a nice guy, but that's it. There is nothing about this profile that sticks out to me in any way whatsoever.

Cons: I'm not attracted to him at all. Do I feel shallow for wanting to close him out? Yes.

Verdict: Close.

Bachelor #4: real estate agent, 30 years old, 5'9", Christian, maybe wants kids, drinks several times a week, never smokes.

Pros: He's attractive, but not my type.

Cons: He barely filled out his profile. Basically, I know nothing about this guy.

Verdict: Close.

Bachelor #5: teacher, 32 years old, 6'0", wants kids, drinks about once a week, never smokes.

Pros: He likes sad music and refers to himself as a "closet hippie" (except he spelled it "hippy").

Cons: He seems REALLY into sports. I'm not attracted to him. Also, he only posted one photo, and he's making a really weird, kind of creepy face in it.

Verdict: Close.

Bachelor #6: sales rep, 34 years old, 5'10", Christian, wants kids, drinks about once a week, smokes a few times a year.

Pros: Likes Italian food. Again, nothing else sticks out to me.

Cons: His favorite book is The DaVinci Code. Admittedly, I read the book. It's okay. Is it my favorite? No. Should it be anyone's favorite? No.

Verdict: Close.

(Now, I'm sure some of you are thinking that I closed a lot of people out and that I'll never meet anyone by doing this every day. Maybe you're right; however, I do keep some open occasionally. Soon, I plan to write a post focused on reasons I keep matches open or initiate communication. Take heart, precious readers.)

Step 5: Check to see who chose to close me out. Yes, eHarmony forces you to look at them. Well, kind of. Admittedly, I check out each guy's profile to see what kind of guy actually decided that he didn't want me to be a part of his life. Really, can you imagine? Today, it's a 28-year-old special ed teacher who loves sports, his jeep, and helping people. Sounds nice. But he's not attractive, so this makes me feel better. Yes, being honest. Feel free to judge me.

Step 6: Check to see if any of the matches have sent me communication. None today. All are in "waiting for his answers" phase -- except for one, to whom I need to respond. Yes, I've been putting it off. But perhaps now is the perfect time, since you're walking through this with me.

These are the 2nd set of questions, and they come from a 28-year-old designer. Every single one of his photos looks like a different person; however, his profile intrigued me. He's artsy, loves music, has a husky (I love huskies), and seems really funny. Also, he mentioned that he loves NYC and going to the museums and galleries there. I like this.

I'll respond to his questions:

1. What is the one dream for your life you must look forward to having come true?

2. How important is it to you that your partner fulfill traditional gender roles? Would you like a man who maintains cars, managers the finances, and is handy around the house?

3. Tonight you can do anything you want, no penalties, no reprisals, and the cost is unimportant. What are you going to do?

I'd love to tell you my answers, but I won't. Not tonight. :)

Step 7: Log off.

Step 8: Wait.

what a small world we've created.

ok, we knew this was going to happen. We've been blogging for a month about the same bad matches, the matches that have passed us over for a friend, the matches that have requested communication with multiple "must love" girls....

We knew, going into this, using the same site, we would cross paths. I was still caught a little off guard when it happened again this past weekend to must love teens and beans and me! After almost two weeks of emails, the boy asked me an uncomfortable question: "There's a girl in one of your pictures who looks familiar...she looks like one of my matches....is it teens and beans?". Whoops, because, as a matter of fact, I'm sure it is t & b.

So now what? I emailed him back and confirmed that yes, I was sure it was t & b. I feel bad for him...what an awkward situation to be in-- accidentally talking to two friends! Luckily, t & b and I have not seen each other for a while, so we have not been discussing this poor guy behind his back...but did he believe me when I told him that?

(Also, I realized a while ago the previously mentioned picture may not be a good choice, but I can't get it to delete off the site...it's stuck.)

I kind of feel like I've been busted.

We did it to ourselves.

Whoops.