This weekend, I did a little Christmas decorating, which is typically one of my favorite activities of the year. And it was fun, but . . . at some point in the middle of perfectly positioning the sparkly garland and hanging my lone stocking above the fireplace, I realized that I was doing this alone. Again. I fought through the tears with the help of Bing Crosby and a delicious latte, but I couldn't help but focus on my loneliness. For some reason, Christmas reminds me that I am single. Maybe it's the lovey-dovey couples everywhere, the increase in engagements, the snow and the romance it brings, or having to face my family and all of my (much) younger siblings and cousins who are now married and having kids of their own. Just once, I would love to take my handsome, artsy, funny boyfriend home with me. But, once again, that won't happen this year.
Until that day comes, I'll just focus on how easy it is for me to choose where I'll spend the holidays -- no fighting over his parents' house or mine. That's something to be thankful for, right?
Sorry if this is a depressing post. And yes, I'm the same girl who posted a list of things she was thankful for on Thanksgiving. That still stands. So congratulations: you have now seen the full scope of my mood swings! :)
Just once I'd like to have a date to my office Christmas party, rather than being the *only* dateless staff member 3 years running. Is that so much to ask?
ReplyDelete-Must love blizzards and basslines
I tell people I don't like Christmas. They think I'm joking, but this is a large part of why. Christmas makes me so melancholy -- too many emotions and too much awareness that another year has past too fast. I don't know that being not-single would change things, but hopefully I would be with someone who understands why it's such a complicated time of year for me.
ReplyDeleteAnd look, I just posted my own little blog in the comment section. :)
~Allison
I too find my self thinking. . . maybe by this time next year I'll have someone to share this holiday season with. . . and I'm saying the same thing again this year.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being willing to verbalize your struggles with singleness. That is a rarety, I think. It helps me feel less alone about being alone, if you know what I mean.
Not to add another sad thought, but this also reminds me of when I get so tired of being on family vacations and I once again get to sleep on the pull out couch because I'm not married, nor bring anyone on family vacations or home with me for xmas for that matter. Why do you have to be married or a couple to justify your own bed?!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the comments! It is good to know that there are others out there who struggle in the same way at this time of year.
ReplyDeleteNone of you are alone in these thoughts and feelings! :-) Thanks for your post ... I totally hear y'all! I got a kick out of the comment of "being married to justify your own bed" ... the same happens in my family! Last year I was asked to share with my 13 year old cousin! really? I'm 28 years old and I have to share a bed with her? Oh, that's right, we are the only single cousins, so we have to share.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your honesty, Banjos and Paris. It's refreshing! :-)