First Date

I just had my very first eharmony actual in person date. We met in a coffeeshop. I chose one that I dont often frequent, just in case he turned out to be crazy. Thankfully, he wasnt crazy, he was nice. And he was just as tall as his profile said he was, which was great :-) After fretting about all the insignificant details - like, should I get there first? Should I be perfectly exactly on time? Or should I get there late? And somewhat significant details of what should I wear? How should I do my hair? None of those details mattered at all, and we had a great conversation. He even opened the door for me, which was great. I happen to love that. We bonded over the fact that both of our dream jobs would be being independently wealthy full time philanthropists, and that we both *hate* going shopping. There were no instantaneous lightning bolt sparks of chemistry, and he looks an awful lot like one of my bosses, which was a bit strange for me, but those things are not insurmountable ;-)

So will I see him again? I think yes :-)

Really??

I got a message from a boy about a week ago saying that he needed some time to figure out things with him and God (and from our date, I wasn't feeling ANY chemistry- so I wasn't crushed!), and then to my BFF (who was also matched up with him) said that on the same day, he nudged her. I'm not an expert or anything.... but if you're saying that you are taking the time to work through your own issues and improve yourself and find the Lord again, continuing to be on the prowl probably ISN'T on the agenda. Just a long shot here!? He probably didn't know that we were friends, and that we would talk and exchange that information- or publish his actions on this blog. WOW. It gave me something entertaining to laugh at this week though!! Just thought I would share for everyone else to be entertained by!!

things are looking dreary.

i have been cooped up in the house for two days due to the snow and haven't received a new match for over a week on eHarmony. today, i decided i would push the little "find new matches" button to see if there were any new people out there for me. the message below is what eHarmony gave me in return.

message from eHarmony:
Our matching system was not able to find any new matches for you right now.

However, we are always automatically searching for new matches for you. Several thousand people join eHarmony each day and our matching system evaluates each one of them within 24 hours to see if they are a great match for you.

We will notify you via email when matches are found or you can check your My Matches page at eHarmony whenever you like.

Our matching criteria, based on the 29 dimensions of compatibility, are extremely strict, and are what makes eHarmony a unique and powerful tool in finding your soul mate. We will keep searching and hope to find some wonderful matches for you soon.

things are looking dreary. no matches? eHarmony, i'm not sure that i like your 29 dimensions of compatibility. why am i not compatible with the thousands of new guys that sign up on your site every day? i think i should have tried out Match.

a date or riding your bike?

What would you choose? If a girl asked you to meet up in person on Friday night for the first time after a few weeks of emailing , would you say:

a) Yes, I've been dying to meet you since I first saw your profile on Match, let's meet even sooner...maybe Thursday? OR

b) I don't think I can meet up for a drink on Friday night because I'm getting back into bike racing and have a race on Sunday - how about next week?

I DO NOT understand people's obsession with bike racing/riding. I mean, I like to work out and all and sometimes schedule other things around it for sure, but turning a girl down? Come on buddy. Maybe I'll tell him I'm too busy washing my hair after work next week and he'll get the hint. Or maybe I'm being too harsh and realizing how excited I am to meet this boy and he's just procrastinating the process.

Well, he better hurry up because I'm also emailing with two other dudes. And they don't ride bikes.

Crossing Paths

People say that most of the time you are friends with people similar to yourself. Similar interests. Similar personalities. Similar lifestyles. Similar in one way or another. I believe it! Unfortunately, if 8 women get together that live in the same area with similar interests and decide to start online dating then paths are bound to cross at some point. Since the beginning of October, I have gotten matched up with several of the same guys that my other friends on eHarmony have gotten matched up with including one guy that Must Love Teens and Beans has been on several dates with. (Speaking of that, Must Love Teens and Beans, where are your posts?) Well this weekend, we took crossing paths to a whole new level. Must Love Art and Music was matched with the last guy I dated. I received a text message from her on Friday morning that said "I just got matched up with ______" and my heart sank a little. Questions flooded my mind: Was he single again? Did he know that he was getting matched up with people on eHarmony still? Would he try to "communicate" with her? Must Love Art and Music closed him right away because that's the unspoken rule between women. You don't even consider talking to a guy that your friend used to date. Curiousity over took me though and I emailed him instantly. The guy and I met on eHarmony the last time I was trying online dating sites and dated for a few months, then I called it off. Then I found out at the end of the summer that he was dating someone else now and we haven't talked since then. I thought I would break the silence with an email with the motive being to inform him that he is still getting matched up with women on eHarmony and the drive being my curiosity.

The email went something like this:
"Hi ______.

So I got this funny text from one of my best friends this morning. She said "I got matched up with _______!" She's doing eHarmony and apparently got matched up with you this morning. If you have a girlfriend, maybe you should delete your profile. :) Anyways, I thought I would let you know since sometimes people don't realize that even if you aren't paying for eHarmony that your profile still shows up.

I hope you are doing well and school isn't completely kicking your ass this semester!"

The email I received back was nice, filled with grammar errors and questions about my life, and confirming. When my heart sank and I emailed him immediately, I questioned whether or not I did the right thing by calling things off back in the Spring. Did I still have feelings for him? Why was I feeling like this? The answers: No, I don't have feelings for him. I was feeling like that because I'm lonely and when I was with him I wasn't lonely. When I was with him, there was someone who took interest in my life, complimented me, and made me feel desirable. Selfishly, I want all of that again. I don't want it with him, but I want it with someone. Who is that someone? Will I meet him in the next few months? eHarmony isn't giving me much promise of even a date in the next couple of months at this point, so we'll see. In the meantime, I need to decide if I'm going to answer all of his questions and write him back or go back to the silence.

the good and the bad

First, the bad....

I vowed to stop posting people's profile answers on here (I was feeling a little mean), but I couldn't pass up sharing this one:

The most important thing ***** is looking for in a person is:

What I am looking for in a Partner is EXTREMELY Simple! Someone whom is Honestly Lonely enough at this point in her Life, that you are willing to put the time into Building a special relationship. As I am willing to do the same for You! The REASON I present that in the way I do, is because I have Clearly seen that People are just too (Busy), to take the Concept of finding a Partner Seriously! I have plenty of friends MYSELF, BUT...they are All Married themselves with Lives and Commitments of their OWN in life Now! Therefore, I'm not that busy anymore.

say what??! I need an interpreter for this one.

ok, now I'll stop.

But here's the good....

Over 3 weeks since our start date and I've finally reached open communication (aka email) with a boy and he seems very nice!!!!! I'm just so excited to be finally emailing freely and out of Guided Communication. Yay me :)

I don't know what's worse...

We just ended things online, and to be honest, I don't know what worse- ending things in person or through email. He said there was nothing wrong with me, we just have different callings. He wants to be in the suburbs or in the country, and I want to be overseas. We'd just be hoping that things might change in the next few years. Will I ever find someone who's not afraid to go see the world and live overseas for awhile??? It's not for life, I just want more than the "ordinary, American life". Not that there's anything wrong with being a hunter's widow or living here in America, I just don't think it's for me, and that's probably not going to change anytime soon. Why does dating have to be SO COMPLICATED and over-rated?! This thing called love is ridiculous and messy!?

Profile: Round Two

I am not finding what I am looking for. So I am revamping my profile.
I am reminded of short story writing… The first page—some would say the first sentence—of any writing should grab the reader’s attention and leave him/her wanting more. What is my hook? What can I say in that first sentence that encompasses me fully? I want to come off catchy and funny and interesting and smart and thoughtful and intellectual and spiritual.
The next rule that comes to mind is the climax. However interesting the introduction, close the sequence, or rapid the action, it is always the climax toward which the mind is ever reaching. What is the high point? The culmination? What is it that people will walk away with? Will men want to respond? With the RIGHT men want to respond?
A conclusion is the next thing that I fret over when writing my profile. It should be concise. It should end well, making a pretty little package out of me!
So I am redoing my profile. I plan to make a few things a little softer and bring a few more things to the forefront, making them a focal point.
I hate that I have to have a great profile. I don’t like that I am totally and thoroughly judged by a few words and a couple pictures.
I wanna say “I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS” but even then, if I post that then men might just think that I am avoiding questions and not willing to share who I am.
The whole point of being online is to share who I am with someone. I want to share my life. I want to have someone to tell things to, to make a life with.

It seems like such a vicious circle.

is that the best you've got?

Come on guys, the profile answers are your one chance to catch my attention and this is the best you can come up with?

The one thing ***** is most passionate about:

• I'm not sure what I'm passionate about.

The last book ***** read and enjoyed:

• Well I don't read many books. For me the only book worth reading is the bible.

The most influential person in *****'s life has been:

• Everyone has influenced me to be who I am today.

One thing that only *****'s best friends know is:

• If only my best friends know, then we should probably keep it that way

One thing that only *****'s best friends know is:

• When you become one of my best friends then you will know.

The three things which ***** is most thankful for:

• God
• My family
• All my friends

The things ***** can't live without are:

• Food
• Water
• Shelter
• Sports
• Fun and Happiness

Some additional information ***** wanted you to know is:

• A little mystery keeps things more interesting, don't you think?

Some additional information ***** wanted you to know is:

• There's no one else like me.

I know, there's nothing actually wrong with these answers, but did you even try? Give this a little more effort...please!

something tells me . . .

that the last line might not be true . . .

• I consider myself to be courteous and well rounded. When it comes to wine, I gravitate to reds from Spain, or France. White wine is also welcome in my home. I can also cook and do so regularly. If there is anything else you would like to know, just ask. I am a very open person. Lastly, you will not be embarrassed by my behavior.

Does this mean I get around?

So I have had two dates now. Within 48 hours. I feel like this means I might get around. I mean, they were the two boys I was most intrigued by online, and I wanted to get to know them both more, but two within 48 hours seems a bit much. I mean, really.

The first one and I went to a wine bar downtown, and I met the second one today for coffee at a local coffee shop. The first one ended up being a Catholic and a counselor, and on paper, I would have thought he and I would gotten along really well, but not so much in person. We just didn't seem to "click" together instantly. I had a lot of fun with this second one today. We just laughed over coffee, and I would really like to get to know him better. He was really great and intriguing! I'm looking forward to what the future might hold! Who knows!? No high hopes really, but he was really funny! Maybe more to come- Maybe?!

I like to have fun...

...but probably not with you.

I feel like every man I get matched up with on eHarmony likes to have fun and is looking for a woman who likes to have fun too. Sometimes, I look at their photos or read their profiles and think to myself "do you really like to have fun?" The guy's photos are more than likely him taking a self-portrait of himself in the mirror or with his MacBook Photobooth application. I'm thinking - "Where are your friends?" I go through his profile and his favorite thing to do is play video games and he works as a Data Analyst. Really? You like to have fun? You don't seem fun at all. Today, my friend tweeted about the following video on Twitter. I felt like I was scrolling through my daily eHarmony matches while I was watching the following video. I hope you laugh as hard as I did. Enjoy!

Dating Montage
by smithy00101

the "bases" of eHarmony

I don't know if everyone realizes what it takes to actually email someone on eHarmony; I certainly didn't until I began this experiment. So here's what we see any time we are matched with someone. There's always the option of "FastTracking" someone and moving right to "Open Communication," but typically, this is what we go through, what some of us have sarcastically started calling the "bases" of eHarmony.

	Read his About Me
	Answer his Questions
	Send 1st Questions- 1st Base?
	Read his Answers
	Send Must Haves and Can't Stands-2nd Base?
	Read his Must Haves and Can't Stands
	Send 2nd Questions- 3rd Base?
	Read his Answers
	Answer his Questions
	Read Dr. Warren's Message
	Start Open Communication- HOME RUN?!

As you can see, it is quite the game. There are mulitple choice questions, short answers, and the constant waiting game. And it can take forever!!! Thanks for your patience :)

MORTIFIED!!

I was totally busted and caught off guard today. At Church.
I was approached by one of our Pastors at church today. "Hey." he started. We hugged and I figured this would be a shallow, quick conversation. "Hey, I saw you..." I was thinking 'saw me in the car, on Pearl Street, in a picture' but no. Not that simple.
"Hey, I saw you... saw you on Match.com"
Oh no. Busted. Not sure if my face belied the mortification or not, but quickly I found myself asking "What are you doing on Match.com?" as I motioned toward his wife.
"no,no,no it was on Facebook. I saw your picture. It was one of those ads." He then told me my screen name on the site.
So my friends, I am busted. I didn't know that my screen name and picture was being used as advertising for the website, OR that it would be used as an ad on my friends' profiles, but people are out there seeing me.
This is scary!
If you see my picture, do me a favor and screen shot it for me... so I can see what version of me is posted all over the internet!

who didn't love you?

Recently, I joined a group of ladies and discussed the topic of rejection. If you're at all like me, just the sound of the word can make you want to run away and hide. The speaker asked a very harsh question: "Who didn't love you?" Ouch. Names ran through my head. My heart ached. I did my best to think happy thoughts.

But there was no escaping it; we have all been rejected at some point. We offered our hearts, and the recipient refused. Perhaps they didn't think we were interesting enough, beautiful enough, skinny enough . . . just not enough.

No matter how loved we are, no matter how many friends we have, those few that have denied us always seem to be more prevalent in our thoughts. The rejection outweighs the acceptance.

Today, I experienced my first rejection online that actually stung. A week or so ago, I was matched up with a guy. He was tall, handsome, played the guitar, loved his nephew, seemed interesting. I "started communication," and he ignored my request. I "nudged" him. He still didn't respond. I made up excuses . . . maybe his computer is broken, he's out of the country, he doesn't check the site often, etc. But today, he saw my request to communicate and closed me out. It's sort of like tapping someone on the shoulder, saying, "Hi! I'm blah blah blah," and having them turn around, look you up and down, and walk away without a single word. Ouch.

But rejection is part of relationships. It's part of this game. I don't like it. And I don't like rejecting guys because they're not handsome enough, not tall enough, not interesting enough, not enough. I feel like I do more rejecting than accepting, and I hate it. Really. But it goes on in real life as well, I suppose. But I don't have to tell someone that I'm rejecting them face-to-face like I do online. And I don't have to be told either.

I'm not sure that any of us will ever become immune to the pain of rejection. Anyone who can say that they are is probably lying. We all want to be loved, to be told that we're beautiful, and to feel interesting.

I don't have any concluding thoughts on this. I wish I did . . . some trite little saying at the end of this. All I have to say is that rejection sucks.

i'm trying to forget you

Sometimes I wonder if that's what all of this searching, seeking, judging, dreaming, hoping, etc. is all about -- just a girl trying to forget a boy . . . the quirky, imperfect, amazing boy with whom she compares every single one of these logical, systematic, online matches.

I want to be the matchmaker!

I got randomly matched up with this guy who lives in NYC even though I put my radius as 60 miles and I think he would be perfect for Must Love Banjos and Paris.

Here are some key points off of his profile:

• Age: 28
• Height: 6' 1"
• Drinks: About once a week
• I am most passionate about creative and artistic endeavors such as photography, design, architecture, or music--in short, making.
• Learning and experiencing new things, and traveling.

• The things Luke can't live without are:

• computer and internet for work and play
• espresso
• a notebook and pen for writing and doodling
• good music--to relax, to escape, to enjoy

Random bonus: One of his pictures is of him relaxing in Paris.

I think I might start "communicating" with him. He's intriguing. If he doesn't work out for me, I'll suggest that he check out Must Love Banjos and Paris.

I didn't start it!

well, ok, if we're posting directly from a match's profile, here's one...

(I've only quoted the most interesting facts)

Occupation: owner and Vice President of a multi-million dollar business Age: 28

The one thing ***** is most passionate about:

• So Im most passionate about livin life! I definately live by the motto "Why wouldn't I." There isn't anything I won't try atleast once but I spend most of my time Fly fishing, Golfing, Skiing(we have an unreal house in Beaver Creek right above the ritz), Bikram yoga(atleast 3 times a week. Tough work out), spending time studying the bible, reading(I usually read 1-2 books per week). Im a huuuuge Broncos fan. They are killin me right now but we have a box at the stadium and I never miss a game. I have 3 business's(143 employess. Ahhh!) They keep me busy for sure. Im super thankful for my friends and family. Im super Lucky!!!

***** typically spends his leisure time:

• Traveling for sure. I have been to Vegas and Mexico over 25 times but I really love spending time in Europe and then just chillin in the mountains works to. Im a Colorado Native. To leaver here would be truly a mistake. I also love reading, golfing, fly fishing, camping, skiing, basketball(The league im in is money!!!), bikram yoga, having big picture conversations with employees, cooking, partners and friends, focusing on god(bible studies and church are key. YA!), looking for new real estate ( the market is perfect right now!), running my internship(It changes these students lives.) Living the dream

The things ***** can't live without are:

• My relationship with god and my family
• Freedom--I usually take 100-150 days off a year
• Traveling--I love rolling all over the world.
• coaches--If your not growing your dying
• cell phone. Love/Hate relationship for sure

Are you for reals?

Maybe he's a really great guy :) Which is why I sent questions...or maybe I communicated first because of the wine...or peer pressure.

Banjos and Paris suggested maybe he usually pays someone to edit for him??!

I just don't get why you would be on eHarmony, but create this kind of first impression.

Who's he trying to get?

Sunday...

I have a date on Sunday. I feel like a 14 yr old girl, all giddy, and have no idea what I'll say or how I should bring up my life circumstances. How do I tell a boy that 4 months ago I was in the hospital without it being like a bombshell? I think I'm going to practice on my roommates husband and see how it goes. We're going to a wine bar, but I still can't drink for another year. So that'll take some explanation and maybe will open a door.

This time around with eharm it feels different. I've grown up and so many things in my life have changed. A match asked me a great question the other day- do I want my husband's calling in ministry overseas to be the same as his? Yes and no. I don't know if just going on missions trips and adopting children while living in the states will be enough for me. But how do I say "I want someone who wants to live overseas for a few years and fight on behalf of sex-slave girls" without narrowing down all of my choices?? UGH. life...

Morning Laugh

I'm sorry, but this just made me laugh this morning...He didn't have a picture and this is all his profile said. (I deleted his name, just to be kind and sensitive)

I mean how is one to start wanting to communicate with someone who doesn't write much, or says "my woman" and then has no picture...I'm agreeing with most of you about how do you know a person from just reading some words and judging them on the picture?!

The one thing ____ is most passionate about:

• my work and my music and my woman

The three things which ___ is most thankful for:

• job
  
• parents
  
• church

The most influential person in ____ life has been:

• my minister at my church

____ friends describe him as:

• Spontaneous
• Passionate
• Romantic
• Physically Fit

Three of ____ best life-skills are:

• Being a good friend and companion
• Communicating my innermost thoughts and feelings
• Achieving personal goals

The most important thing ____ is looking for in a person is:

• a good heart and to be a real woman about love and sex and be all about being your self

The first thing you'll probably notice about ____ when you meet him:

• my voice because i am a singer

The one thing ____ wishes MORE people would notice about him is:

• i dont know

____ typically spends his leisure time:

• writing songs

The things ____ can't live without are:

• god
• family
• friends good ones that is
• music
• love

The last book ___ read and enjoyed:

• i am a mechanic so i am always reading hot rod and motor trend,and nascar stuff

One thing that only ____ best friends know is:

• i have to think about maby it would be a nick name

Some additional information ____ wanted you to know is:

• i am a musician i play the drums and i sing with the main attractions

Confession: I judge books by their cover.

Confessions: I read books that look interesting on the outside.
I buy wine that is marked with a well designed label.
I "communicate" with men that I find physically attractive.

I never thought that I was "that person". I never thought I was the kind of person that wouldn't date people because I wasn't physically attractive to them immediately. I always thought that those people were superficial, but I just realized that I am "that person". I have gotten mad at guys in the past that have said things like "you're an amazing woman, but I'm just not attracted to you". Now, I feel like I'm starting to understand what they meant. Yesterday, I received a "communication request" from a guy that on paper looks amazing. He really wants to be working among the poor and oppressed. He plays the guitar and loves going to concerts. He loves to travel and experience new cultures. He reads. Unfortunately, I don't find him attractive at all. Did I answer his "communication request"? Yes. I answered it mainly out of intrigue. Will I close him before we get to "open communication"? Yes. Do I feel bad about that? Yes. I feel horrible. I will push the close button and then a screen will pop up where I get to check a little box. eHarmony will say choose from a list of reasons that finish this statement: "I have decided to close communication because...". I will check the box next to "Other". "Other" in the online dating world means "I don't find you attractive". eHarmony needs to just add "I don't find you attractive" as an option. Let's all just be honest with each other.

Negative about online dating: You have to impress someone by a few photos and words in black and white. More thoughts on this to come...

i do not want to live in the suburbs . . .

. . . but what do I want?

It's a question I've been struggling with for the past twelve days. While skimming profiles and viewing photos, I seem to be awfully good at knowing what I don't want, but I can't seem to nail down exactly what it is that I'm looking for in a guy.

Sure, I know a few traits:

• taller than me
• has an appreciation for music, literature, the arts
• likes to read
• enjoys traveling
• makes me laugh

But I'm finding there are other aspects that I enjoy as well, and they're incredibly difficult to nail down in a profile.

This weekend, I was talking to a friend, a guy that I adore, and he said something totally off-the-wall . . . actually, it was something that was so real, so down to earth, so painfully honest, that it seemed, well, eccentric. And it made me laugh. I found myself thinking, That's it! That's what I want. But I can't detect that in a profile. And I'm not so sure that kind of guy is online, looking for a girl like me. That kind of guy is out there somewhere. I think. But how do I find him?

The kind of guy that's online, asking to communicate with me is the type of guy who hopes he'll be living in the suburbs in 15 years. I'm not making this up. Here's the proof: answers to the multiple choice questions I sent to one particular gentleman. Based on these two questions alone (and lack of an interesting profile), I closed him out. This is not me. So not me.

	Where do you see yourself living in 15 years? A) a nice apartment in the city B) a house in the suburbs C) a house in a small town D) a house in the country
	If you could take a dream getaway, where would you most likely choose to spend a week? A) Paris B) Hawaii C) hiking in the mountains D) a cottage by the sea

I'm not giving up on this yet, but I am feeling rather pessimistic.

So far, I have been intrigued by one guy online. Just one. I sent him a "communication request," and he did not respond.

Of course.

So I "nudged" him.

Nothing.

And so I wait . . . always waiting.

Thank you

Well, who knew this blog would be like having your own personal therapist? It is exactly what I needed, some objective point of view to lead me to the right decision on what to do about Euro boy. After he did in fact call me last week and I winced when his name came up on my phone, I knew that was NOT a good sign. And I've been debating about it all week as to whether or not I should I go out with him again since I said I would, or go back on my word and be honest with him. I choose honesty. And due in part to the comments left on this blog. For those of you who were honest with me, I thank you with my dose of honesty to Euro boy.

29 is the new 31

So they, being eharmony, matches with 29 dimensions of compatibility...what does that exactly mean?! Well, this whole process reminds me a little more of Baskin Robbins 31 flavors of ice cream. I just want to paint a picture for our readers what this process of online dating is really like....

Imagine your craving ice cream. So you walk into Baskin Robbins...with 31 flavors. (now granted I have never really counted if that's true, but lets be honest, there are a lot of choices) I will be surprised if you can walk in and not at least have some samples before you actually pick your flavor. Or even if you know what you want, why not try some samples...they are free right. So after you have delighted yourself with such amazement, you pick what you think will satisfy!

Online dating is much like this...here you are walking into a "store," looking to quench some sort of craving. (now granted this analogy doesn't totally make sense, but just stick with me). I'm doing this to meet someone. I feel like I have options, different flavors of ice cream if you will. Now I have already judged some by appearance, I know, but lets be honest we all have done it. If the ice cream doesn't look good, why take a sample...even if it is free?! But then there are other flavors of ice cream that look pretty good, so you try it. I also think that some might even try the ice cream because just the name is intriguing. I have definitely done this by going through questions/guided communication with some guys based on their profile. So I feel like I have been at Baskin Robbins, tasting some flavors of ice cream...

Whats funny though, after one day of doing online dating, I didn't really try many samples before I tasted one of my favorite flavors....bubble gum!! If any of you read the blog in the way beginning, hes the guy that fast-tracked me. (meaning he passed up all the guided questions and wanted to email right away). This guy was attractive and I LOVED what he said about himself in his profile (he didn't say his favorite book was "Purpose Driven Life"or that he wanted to open an animation store someday! ha ha). He was my bubble gum ice cream...the gum is hidden, intriguing, exciting. My next post will be about what has happened since....

am I reading too much into this...

Analyze, re-analyze, over-analyze...is this really the method we (and by "we", I kinda mean "I") should be using to meet someone?

I already have a tendency to think too much about decisions and choices, but when "meeting people" online, there are plenty of acceptable opportunities for me to think, think some more, analyze, and then over-analyze before I act. I mean, should a first impression really be so methodically thought out and edited? because that's what has happened on my profile! When asked some of those first "get to know you questions," is it good that I can take days to answer them?! and, should I have even longer to ask those simple questions back?

And then I start thinking about the guy...did they analyze their answers as much as me? their pictures? their questions? Is my first impression of them just as purposefully crafted and arranged?

what a different way of socializing.

I spend so much time and thought trying to come up with the answer or description that honestly portrays who I am, that I think I might end up being a little misleading. Oops.

So, am I reading too much into all of this? Is this what everyone does on the online dating sites?

A snowy saturday...

Is perfect for cleaning out my "match" inbox! Does anyone else get that nice feeling of satisfaction by going on a "close match" spree? Heh, I even get that nice feeling of satisfaction after going through the folder of people that have closed me! After a busy week (and based on the lack of posts, I think I'm not the only one) I got a little behind. 80 matches piled up is a bit overwhelming, so First Cut: age. Anyone 8 years older or more is out. I did make one exception, though, based on an intriguing profile, and one of those "a picture speaks a thousand words" profile photos. Typical me, I dont even stick with my own rules ;-) Age paired it down by 25%, which is great. Second cut? Hmm I'll have to think on that one. Any suggestions?

baby steps

Two down - how many more to go? Well, I can safely say I have survived not one, but TWO dates since the start of this experiment. Unfortunately they were not with the same guy, so I am by NO means on the way to a start of anything. However, like I said, baby steps.

The first one was a week or so ago, with a guy I will call Mini Hands. Seriously, half the size of mine and I don't have big hands. Needless to say I was not physically attracted to him in any way shape or form. Which is a bummer because his pictures lead me to believe otherwise. I have found this is oftentimes the case when it comes to meeting someone in person. I like to post average pictures of myself on my profile so when they meet me, they might be pleasantly surprised (assuming that they like what they saw of course!). Wish this guy had done the same.

Also, conversation seemed to be like a Q&A session. I don't want to live the rest of my life in an interview. Maybe his nerves got the best of him? Again, a strange turn of events given our email conversations. Oh well, next batter up.

The second date was last night. At least this time I was physically more attracted to the guy. Conversation was a little more intriguing, but I can't figure out if it was because he was from Eastern Europe and let's face it, that just sounds romantic in itself. This guy pulled the slick move of asking me face to face to hang out again when I hadn't quite made up my mind if I wanted to see him again. But I'm no good saying no in person. Email or text is way more my passive aggressive style. So, guess I will find myself on another date with him next week. He also sent an email today saying that he was going to call me this week if that was okay with me? Are you seriously asking if you can call me? He just lost his "born in Europe" points.

Stay tuned to find out if he redeems them next week.

automatic closure

Within this first week of online dating, I've found that the following "profile sins" get the match-ee an automatic "closure" (meaning I will no longer communicate with him -- ever):

• Featuring a photo of yourself with your shirt off -- for any reason.
• Mentioning that The DaVinci Code is your favorite book -- especially if "DaVinci" is spelled incorrectly.
• Considering your ex-girlfriend to be the most inspiring person in your life.
• Being passionate about triathlons or computers. (Yeah, I'm not that intense or that nerdy.)
• Being passionate about being passionate. (What does that even mean?)
• Not including a photo. (How will I confirm that you don't have three ears or glowing red eyes?)
• Stating that you don't read books -- just Popular Mechanics.
• Being most thankful for your cat. (I like cats, but not that much.)
• Using any of the following words: coy, lover, hygiene.
• Declaring on your profile that you don't kiss on the first date. (Is that really something you need to tell everyone up front? Just don't kiss her. She'll figure it out.)
• Answering the question, "What is the most important thing you're looking for in a person?" with this statement: "Good hygiene. I love a great smile, clean teeth, and good breath." (Really?!? That's the most important thing?)

Yeah, this should be interesting . . .

must love our contributors

Last night, a friend brought to my attention that some people may not realize that there are multiple contributors to this blog, so I thought I'd just take a slight moment (or a few kilobytes of server space . . . that was nerdy) to point out to you that we do, in fact, have multiple authors. You'll find their pseudonyms at the bottom of each post.

So far, here are the writers:

• Must Love Teens and Beans
• Must Love Tapas and Tannins
• Must Love Fireworks and Red Wine
• Must Love Banjos and Paris
• Must Love Blizzards and Basslines
• Must Love Art and Music
• Must Love Coffee and Skyscrapers
• Must Love Passports and People

As you can tell, we conspired to create names that reflected a couple of things we love -- and things that we hope our individual interests will enjoy as well. Our names, along with the title of the blog, are a bit of a play on words for the popular phrase "must love dogs."

Hope you're enjoying the blog!

"The Harm"

I've done online dating before and obviously it hasn't worked out very well for me or I wouldn't be apart of this "must love" group of amazing single women looking for an adventure, love or just a fun story. My friends who know about my online dating experience in the past know that I call eHarmony very endearingly "The Harm" from past experiences meeting guys from that glorious site. Your question to me: "Why are you doing it again then?" I've likened it the past few days to being a car on the interstate driving really slowly past a bad car accident. You don't really want to do it, but none the less it's intriguing. Also, everyone driving in front of you is slowing down anyway, so I might as well look too. So, here I am. Driving slow with everyone else to see if there is anything interesting out there and jumping off the bridge with Must Love Skyscrapers and Coffee.

jumping

That's what I feel like I'm doing....jumping. Jumping into this whole online dating world and jumping into this crazy blog about it :) Like some of my other "must love" friends on here, I've never done this before. Not sure why. I've seen it work great for people. No one I know has been truly burned by it. It's a scary place to be...what if this doesn't work? or, equally as scary, what if it does?!

So here I am, profile filled out, and awaiting someone to "communicate" with me who I'm willing to write back to (that's going to be another big jump). I know I'm only doing this because there's a group of us taking this big leap together. I'm a little nervous, a bit excited, apprehensive, maybe a little too cautious, and trying really hard to be open to the whole experience, no matter what happens.

What have I learned so far? Just that if someone were to ask me-- What would you do if some friends told you to jump off a cliff?-- I just might jump, and depending on the friends, that's ok :)

"A secret admirer will soon send you a sign of affection"

Its funny how when we want something really bad, we see signs everywhere. We look, we analyze, and we suck the possibility out of every circumstance.
I remember before buying a car, I would see my dream car everywhere; on TV, on the road and in my dreams.
When you are newly in love, everything seemingly draws you back to thinking about him; reminding you of his face, his smell, your shared experiences.
Even the most unrelated events seem to point straight to whatever it is that you are looking for.
I remember one time while driving to work I was thinking about a boy. Embarrassed by my thoughts I shook my head to dispel the clouds of thought that covered my mind. When I looked up, I saw a plumbing van next to my car with the same name on it as the boy I was thinking about! Feeling even more sheepish as the light turned green, the van moved and a store with the same boy’s name was just beyond the intersection! What does this mean? Is it true love? Is he “the one”? At that moment, I felt that it was an indication toward the affirmative, but time said quite the opposite.
Even now I struggle to see signs everywhere, even when there is no special name on my mind or in my heart.

Two days ago I unassumedly opened my fortune cookie. I was thinking I would laugh about the fortune with my friends and how it wouldn’t even remotely apply to my life. To my surprise it talked about a secret admirer! My admirer showing me that he cares! Does this mean I have one? Does this mean that I will have some good “matches” online when I get home? Does this mean that one of the possible matches might be “the one”?
I looked around to see if maybe it was all a joke, or someone snickering about how they had pulled one over on me. I also wanted to make sure that no one saw me open my fortune.
My immediate thought was to cherish this piece of paper, to make a keepsake of it, holding on to the fortune as an omen, producing it for whoever-it-is when he does send me that sign of affection. If someone saw me open it, and wanted me to read it aloud, would the magic escape and fortune be lost?
Why is it that we look for signs? Does looking for signs really help bring them about, or ruin the moment, and get my expectations up so high that they can’t really be met?
I am looking for love. I am looking for a soul mate. At the same time though, I am looking for friends, companionship and someone to go to the movies with! I don’t really know what being online these next few months will do, but I can tell you what I do want to do:
1) move slowly… I don’t want to jump into anything too quickly. I don’t want to fall head over heels for someone I don’t know very well.
2) have high standards… I won’t settle or bend on the things that become more important to me as I get older.
3) have fun… While this is serious stuff, I don’t want to take it too seriously. I want to enjoy meeting people and doing new things.
4) get better at dating.. practice makes perfect! I want to be more secure and confident, a better communicator and more trusting.
So here’s to the excitement of new experiences, possible love and seeing signs everywhere!

hoping for a story

So, it has begun.

Like most of the others, I always said I would never try online dating. Being a romantic, I have always wanted a great story: We met at a concert. I accidentally rear-ended him. I tripped and fell, and he laughed at me. To me, online dating didn't seem to provide that unexpected funny story. Somehow, coming together as a group of single ladies and going through with this social experiment, it seems to make for a better tale. Right? We'll see . . .

Besides, you never know. Maybe I'll meet a great guy and then fall in love with his brother or best friend. That would be a good story, huh? Let's hope for something unexpected . . .

Making my profile... eek!

I’ve pondered online dating for about 6 years now. Yes, 6 whole years. And I’ve basically thought the same thing the entire time – its just not for me. I really like being able to interact with people, get a read on them, hear them laugh, etc etc. So, while I have made accounts a few times with various dating websites, just to see what its all about (and to see if they match me up with someone that would make me instantly change my mind about this whole online dating thing - they didn’t) I have never actually joined. I decided my first real attempt at online dating would be with friends during this “experiment”, and I'd try out eharmony - after all, they do have those 29 levels of compatibility (and a nice coupon code to boot!).

First step – complete the profile. Nobody warned me it would be this hard! (insert sad, overly dramatic music here). From the get-go they ask you all these difficult, probing questions. I keep finding myself thinking, um, isn’t this a little personal for me to tell someone I don’t even know? Hmm, perhaps I’m missing the point here… Regardless, I’m finding it very difficult to come up with answers. Five things I can't live without? Easy: air, water, food, shelter, and fire (to cook the food). Oh, they mean luxuries or something like that? My real answer would be the opportunity to take a hot shower at least once every 10 days, but that doesn’t fit on the line, and it probably would scare off my matches. But its true! Cold showers get old awfully fast, and even though I do smell like roses, even roses smell funny after 10 days without water. Well, it seems I'll need to put a little more thought into this one...

And don’t forget about selecting the photos… its so much to think about! Finally after searching the bowels of the “My Pictures” folder on my computer and my facebook photos, I selected 5 whole photos. And then they reject one of my favorite photo choices, stating “Photo not approved, please delete.” What? Why? I’m in there, I’m just very very small…

Oof, this online dating thing might be harder than I thought! Good thing I have my amigas to help me out!

Seduced

It is amazing to me how easily persuaded I am by red wine and lemon bars. Seriously, did I really agree to write publically about my online dating experience? As if it weren't humiliating enough! The worst moment is when you are meeting someone from online for the first time in a public place and you feel like the bartender or waitress can tell that this is an online date.

Note to bartender, here are the clues that you have been a witness to that first glorious meeting that could turn into a life full of wedded bliss:

Was there an awkward, she went in for the hug and he went for the handshake?
When she slid off the barstool to meet him, did she flinch when realizing he was 3 inches shorter than his profile stated?
Did he arrive holding up a photo printed out from her profile to compare her in real life? Just kidding, hopefully that has never happened....

As much as the whole online dating thing is completely awkward, it is also thrilling, scary, confidence boosting and has introduced me to some people that I never would have meet otherwise. If you can't tell, I have online dated before (pushed over the edge by a bad break up and yep, you guessed, wine). But I am reinvigorating it this time around by doing it with friends, and oh yea, the millions of people that will hopefully be reading this blog:) Cheers to the next three months, hope you stay with us as this Must Love...Us project continues. May it bring us success and experience in love.

Tortise or Hair?!

Day 1: I feel overwhelmed already.

Not only did eharmony rip me off of funds that could be used to save children going hungry in Africa, BUT I'm overwhelmed because there is already a cute guy! ha

So I wanted to throw out some voting here....just signed up this morning and 3 hrs later a pilot wants to do the "fast track" with me. Ugh slow your roll buddy...whats on your mind. This is a Christian dating site and all, but lets be honest here...

Do I keep doing the formed questionnaire or go for the guzzle...fast track it up?!

Thoughts?!

first thoughts, final regrets

Are you serious? Did I really just commit to this?! I swore to many that I would never be a part of or be so desperate to think that I need this as a means to finding someone. I mean really, where does the faith lie? Where does trusting God become a part of this?

Yet here I am, eagerly checking my profile...making sure I put up the cutest pics...the most well rounded so he would think I am just that cool! ha I am that girl too, giddy in excitement just to know I'm doing this in company, as an "experiment," right?!

I am that one...three months out of "the one." Am I ready? They say that I am. So here it goes...I will give it a shot and trust me God, I'm trusting you and just having some fun along the way.