The Long Haul

Well, guess I am in for the long haul, I wasn't quick enough and Match went ahead and charged me for 3 more months... So I guess having a date for New Years can be parlayed into finding a date for Valentines Day.
I guess it can't be too bad.
On the upside I found like 13 super cuties that I am trying to communicate with! Let's see what happens!

I'm back....

So I have to apologize...seriously all you faithful followers and I haven't written in MONTHS! And of course I have a lot to update you on:

1. BOY#1: If any of you remember me blogging about Baskin Robbins ice cream and my Bubble Gum flavored man...well we are still talking! This guy "Fast-tracked" me on our very first day (Oct. 1st) and I was hesitant to respond, but I would have to say I am so glad that I did. We hung out a lot in the beginning of meeting each other(maybe possibly kissed a few times), but then realized that we wanted to just not rush things (since I have found online dating does moved things way faster than I would like) and we are doing the friend thing. I'm excited to see where things go, but honestly right now feel as if we will just be friends. He is a good guy to know though....I think I will keep blogging about him though cause who knows what will happen.

2. BOY#2: I have been needing to respond to the matching up with the same guy as Must Love Coffee and Skyscrapers...yes now this has been interesting. He found a picture on her profile that had me in it...she told me...and then once him and I were at open communication I mentioned it to him! ha Long story short I started talking to the guy, but to be honest quite hesitant...I don't know if it was more of the "finally a guy wants to talk" or "I might actually be interested." It ends up that we talked on the computer and then phone and then finally went out on a date. So hes a nice guy...just not for me at all. There is a lot to say about this guy because he is still around...still texting...and I am not sure how to say it won't work, or if I even need to. Not sure what hes thinking. I will have to say that he has figured out how to still come out with me and my friends by running a race that my friend and I ran (she talked to him to whole time to help me out). If your still reading, here is a FUNNY story for you:

So I have decided I might want to milk this whole process for what its worth. So I
went skiing with one of my friends and found out that boy #2 was up at Breckenridge as well.
He texted me and said if I wanted maybe we could meet up with him...so I asked him if he
could meet us up at the Lodge for lunch. (And bring us Subway while he was at it! ha-
free food, right?!) And of course he did. So my friend got to meet him...agreed he was nice,
possibly gay, and not for me. Here is where the story gets good....so boy #1-bubble gum
guy calls and says hes up in Breck if I wanted to meet up after skiing for a beer. So of
course since I'm a bit interested in him I say yes. My friend and I walk into the Brewery
and low in behold....
boy #2 was sitting at the bar and boy #1 was about 20 feet away waiting for me!!! So what
do I do....I quickly walk past the bar, looking down and quickly get to boy #1. ha ha The
day was so hilarious and basically I don't know what to say, but it was a moment to
remember!!

3. As far as what the next year looks like....I decided with the challenge that was posted...I went through my inbox and the ones that I'm "communicating" with, I fast-tracked them all!! ha ha I thought what is the quickest way for me to get in touch with them (get their email) so once my membership is up I can still talk to them. So now, I am talking to two more guys through personal emails. I just felt like I needed to get whatever I could in the last few days....this way I can keep blogging about possibilities, but I won't be extending my membership I know that for sure. I can't afford it! AND I just want to meet someone naturally really....which reminds me...I did go on a date with a guy (not from eharm) but meet him through boy#1 (he is a friend of a friend of boy#1) Yeah no worries, not going to work out, but I guess I would say I got to go on a date...not going to lie...free food is pretty nice perks of doing this!

4. Last thing: I don't have a date for NYE, I don't have a boyfriend, but I am also completely content. This has been a really interesting process...its kind of fun, but I also didn't take it too seriously. Just wanted to meet some people....the right guy will come at the right time. I'm confident of that!

Thanks for being patient with me....and if you have read this far on my blog, thanks! I am so impressed with all of you followers!

Next Steps...

Well ladies, we are in the final stretch. I think that ONE of us has a date for NYE, while the rest of us are in different stages of being okay with it.
I am leaning more toward "okay" than "bitter" this year. I definitely oscillate, but I am kind of okay with the situation this year. Here are some reasons....
- I would rather have a New Year's Eve with someone who has potential to be someone really important in my life, not just someone alive and breathing.
- Most of my "Must Love" sisters are also single. (I hope that this doesn't make me sound shallow, but it would be REALLY hard to have a positive outlook if everyone else had a date and I was going to be home alone nursing my already fragile ego)
- I am bummed that 3 months wasn't enough time to find someone to be interested in. I have only met 2 people, one of which I am sure there is no romantic chemistry.
- I know that when it is right, it WILL be right.

So what do we do now? Do we continue in this experiment? Do we disband? While I have had every different emotion in regard to online dating, part of me doesn't really want to let it go, let it expire. I feel that at least being online gives me just a bit more opportunity to meet guys. God knows that there aren't any single men at my church(es) and very few at the workplace. At least being online gives me an opportunity to see some men that are single. It gives me space to try to learn about relationships and communication and boys and myself.
What do you think... Do you have any plans for Jan 1?

What are you doing New Years Eve?

I just learned how to play this song on the guitar. Not all of you may know this little gem of a song, but it goes something like this:

Maybe it’s much too early in the game
Ah, but I thought I’d ask you just the same
What are you doing New Year’s
New Year’s Eve?

Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight
When it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night
Welcoming in the New Year
New Year’s Eve

Maybe I’m crazy to suppose
I’d ever be the one you chose
Out of a thousand invitations
You’d receive

Ah, but in case I stand one little chance
Here comes the jackpot question in advance
What are you doing New Year’s
New Year’s Eve?

Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight
When it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night
Welcoming in the New Year
New Year’s Eve

What are you doing New Year’s Eve?

So, while the romantic in me still thinks and hopes that with 10 days to go, I may yet find a special someone to spend NYE with, the practical side of me thinks that is just silly, and, besides, I'd probably have more fun with my friends on NYE than with someone I've only just met. Last year I started dating a guy a couple weeks before NYE. I made the decision to skip a concert I had wanted to go to in order to go to the party he was going to attennd. So, I had a terrible time hanging out with no one I knew on NYE except him (and all those people were too into their playstation games or whatever to even want to meet me), and all the time thinking, hmm, all of this, just for a kiss at midnight? Maybe its not worth it. We broke up a week later.

So here I sit, actively communicating with two nice guys on eharmony, my "New matches" box all cleared out, poised and ready to start a new year not online. I have a new scheme up my sleve. Maybe I'll blog about it later. And maybe I'll write a bluesly little ditty with a nice walking bass line about our online dating woes. We can have a showing at our next get-together.

it's official....

I have a date for New Year's! and a boyfriend to boot. not sure how he claimed that title so quickly, but it feels right and things are going really well. Not sure yet what we are doing for New Year's Eve but we know we'll be together and we are already planning a trip to CA in February too:) I don't want to write too much more because I haven't mentioned this blog to him, but I will soon.

My words of encouragement are to the other ladies on this blog - yes, there are still some strange boys out there that some of us have gone on dates with....but, I'm encouraged by meeting this guy and knowing that there are still great men out there that treat you like a lady, are funny, like your friends and still is close with his family. There is hope.

A Possibility

So, I went on my first date of this experience on Friday. As you may remember, my first meeting was only after I won a bet, so that doesn't count. I had only talked with my date a couple times over Match. We hadn't really talked of much when he asked to meet me. I was a little apprehensive, but agreed. He came to pick me up, and I was glad to see that he was dressed casually. I had a fear that I would be under-dressed, but it worked out. He picked me up at my house, which is another slightly nerve wracking decision. What if this guy turns out to be a complete whack job who now knows where I sleep... but I was happy to be wrong.
We went for dinner. He let me pick the place since he doesn't live in Boulder. We went to a place what I like, but don't frequent too terribly often. There were LOTS of people as I opened the door, and to my shock and awe our biggest fan was just inside the door!!
I kinda felt outed, busted, by the fact that someone else was privy to my goal, recognized that I was on a first date and about the fact that we had met over the internet.... luckily my date went to put our names on the waiting list, so we were able to say hi and confirm that this in fact was a first date, and that he is someone I met online.
It took a while to get seated, but we talked of travel and family and cities we'd lived in.
We were seated and had a great meal, good conversation and before we knew it 3 hours and a bottle of wine had gone by!
SIDE NOTE: During dinner, feeling brave, I let PART of the cat out of the bag as far as Must Love Us... I told him that a bunch of girls and I had all started online dating at the same time to see if we could get New Years' dates. He let me know that he couldn't be my New Years' date since he had already made plans to go out of town.

So, my date went well. I definitely see potential for friendship here, and I am gonna wait to make a decision on anything else. We made tentative plans to hang out again. I am happy to have made a connection.

single on the 31st

Well, New Year's Eve is less than two weeks away, and I am 99% sure that I will not have a date. My time on eHarmony has been interesting -- educational and revealing, really -- but there have honestly been zero guys that I have truly been interested in. Perhaps it's because I haven't been as open to the idea as I should be. (As I've mentioned before, I really don't want to meet someone this day, but I'm trying to be open to it.) Or perhaps I really wasn't matched up with anyone that I should have been interested in.

At this point, I'm considering continuing my subscription into January. A little bird told me that a lot of guys join around that time of the year . . . you know, it's winter, right after the holidays 00 after they have spent a week at home, listening to their parents ask them when they're going to give them grandchildren. What do you think? Should I continue?

my update...

I've had four dates now. The first one was... interesting, but no sparks, so he said he wanted to pursue working on himself, and then nudged a good friend (also doing this experiment) the same day. awesome. The second one and I had a blast but have TOTALLY different trajectories for the future, so although we got along great, we just ended it. The third is still pending. Although he's perfect on paper, we're getting together after the new year to see where this goes, if anywhere. I had the fourth one today- we went to my favorite pub in Boulder and laughed the whole time and had a really great time together. He's going out of the country for over a month, so we'll see if he calls when he gets back. So although it's another holiday season single, things are kind-of looking up on a bright note. Another NYE with my lady friends again, which has become ok with me in this time of singleness, but I'd like #4 in the US at least to have him around for NYE at least. And that's my update ;)

**do something** update

If you recall, I recently posted expressing my annoyance with a certain match for his very inconsistent communication and lack of action.

Well, he did something...not with me, but still.

I got word he went out on a real live date with Must Love Teens and Beans (nudge, nudge....share with us what happened!!!). I figured he wasn't super interested in me either (phew) and we were passively calling it quits. I hadn't heard from him in weeks. Perfect ending. That's what I wanted-- do something or do nothing. BUT then he comments on my Facebook status the other night! WHY??? Does he think we're friends? Does he think girls don't talk about this kind of thing with each other? Does he just not care? I closed him last week on eHarm; there should be little confusion. Leave it alone.

On a totally different note, I am admitting failure to the posted challenges. Sorry. I was really excited about participating, but see, there's this boy....

And I don't want to talk about it :)

Challenge #2: "Fast Track"

After talking to Must Love Banjos and Paris tonight, I decided that someone needed to throw out another challenge to the group. Here goes...

Dear Must Love Us ladies,
Your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to "Fast Track" the guy in your match inbox that you are most interested in that hasn't started communication with you yet. I'm not sure what the equivalent of "Fast Track" is on Match.com, but if you are on eHarmony.com you know what I mean. "Fast Track" on eHarmony.com means that you skip all of the guided questions and go straight to "Open Communication" or emailing within the eHarmony.com site. We only have a few more weeks of our 3 month challenge left and New Year's Eve is creeping up on us quickly.
Good Luck Ladies.
Must Love Fireworks and Red Wine

The "10" Challenge

Ok ok... I took the photo off. I cant actually conceive that this guy would be reading the blog... but... whatever. Here's the text of the original post:

I did it everyone, I went through my 10 oldest matches. Now, my oldest match is from October 4^th….. um, yes that’s right… I had a lot of matches from those early days that I didn’t do anything with. As I go through my matches, I’m realizing that eHarmony isn’t nearly so bad as I once thought. There seem to be a lot of genuinely nice Christian guys out there, who are intelligent and who like adventures; and I have initiated communication with a number a them. I also found the above gem in my matches as well (I tried to edit the photo to protect the identity of the innocent - scratch that, I have now removed the photo). Hey, if eHarmony matched me with this guy, that simply bodes well. (The photo was of a very handsome man holding a baby, which happened to show off his nice muscles - clearly he knew the power of this photo, which is why he put it on eHarmony) Bicep, um, I mean Handsome Man, holding friend’s baby. And he also happens to be a Carpenter (drool) and of course is an awesome Christian (as told to me by my friends who happen to know him). Ladies… he hasn’t responded to my request to communicate yet, so he may be looking for you!

we love our grandfathers and our friends.

this blog is in response to must love banjos and paris' challenge.

5 closed. 2 communicated with. 3 picture requests.

literally, i closed 5 guys because they apparently "don't read much". how do educated adults not read?

here are the 2 lucky lads that i decided to "communicate" with:
bachelor #1

Occupation:	Industrial Technician/Student
Age:	25
Height:	5' 11"

why did i start communicating with him?
he loves his grandfather and it's cute.

The most influential person in (insert name)'s life has been:

• My Grandfather. He's never had to set me down to give me advice, he just consistently lives his life and loves the people around him. I've learned more about what it is to be a good man by watching him than anything else.

bachelor #2

Occupation:	Realtor and property manager
Age:	28
Height:	5' 10"

why did i start communicating with him?
he loves his friends.

(insert name) typically spends his leisure time:

• I love just hanging out with friends, having great conversation, being free to say whatever we want, being funny, helping each other with the things we're thinking about/going through. I love going out with friends, meeting people, going to different places, laughing. I love reading, thinking, and travelling with friends. i hate writing this stuff too

challenge #1

(illustration from http://www.pineconeandchickadee.com/)

The girls and I have decided to spice things up in December . . . kind of like adding rum to your eggnog. I mean, eggnog is good alone -- delicious, actually -- but add a little liquor, and things get interesting (and more delicious) fast. What I'm trying to say is, well, let's hope the blog gets a little spicier. (No, not like that!)

So here we go . . . the first of several challenges:

I, Must Love Banjos and Paris, hereby challenge my fellow bloggers to log into their chosen dating website (sounds kind of lame, huh?), and review their 10 oldest matches. You know, those 10 from October that you aren't brave enough to talk to, but are nervous to close because they seem potentially kind of great. After carefully analyzing their profiles and photos, either close them out or initiate communication.

Let's see how it goes!

And now . . . eggnog . . . mmm . . .

Anticipation

Anticipation in the wake of suspended promises.
We wait. We pine. we see that what IS isn't what should be, what could be, what we hope for.
We know the promise, we see the future, we long for that to be reality.
We wait in anticipation. We wait with excitement happy for the day to come. We wait anxiously feeling the pain of things not yet realized. We wait with faith, KNOWING, BELIEVING and TRUSTING that it will be done here. Soon.

dear readers -- part 2

Well, we only had one question from one of you, so I'll go ahead and answer it. :)

The question was, "How do you all know each other?"

We all live in the same town, Boulder, CO -- well, for the most part. One of the girls recently moved to Denver.

As for specifics . . . I'll tell you how I, personally, know each girl (hopefully, this doesn't give too many hints regarding their identity):

Must Love Coffee & Skyscrapers: used to work together, and we became friends there

Must Love Tapas & Tannins: through mutual friends

Must Love Art & Music: went to college together

Must Love Blizzards & Basslines: through mutual friends

Must Love Passports & People: met through a mutual friend, and we're coworkers

Must Love Fireworks & Red Wine: went to college together

Must Love Teens & Beans: through mutual friends

Any more questions?

Oh, and we're thinking about each filling out a little questionnaire. What would you like to know about us, specifically?

dear readers

Dear Readers,

It occurred to me, after spending some time with one of you (yeah, you know who you are!) tonight, that you may have some questions for us.

Are there things you want to know? Perhaps a general question about the blog or the process? Or maybe you want to know more about a specific situation? Our current state of mind?

Feel free to submit your questions in the comments section of this post. We'll discuss amongst ourselves and address them as well as we can.

Thanks for reading!

Must Love Banjos & Paris

do Something!

so there's this boy,

the same boy who has been talking to 2 of us must love girls for over a month,

who tells us that he's talking to the other one and enjoying getting to know us both,

and who continues to "talk" to both of us.

He texts me, sometimes.

He emails me very long emails, sometimes.

That's it.

I kinda feel like this is a case of "He's Just Not That Into You."

Except he keeps popping up....why???

Why is nothing new happening here?

He needs to do something. Pick a girl, meet a girl...do something.

I don't want to be the one to do something- that's the boy's job!

And I want a guy who knows that's his job.

Come on December...treat us well...make something happen, with someone!!!

Inspiration

Well, it's official, I have a fourth date with a boy tomorrow night. And to top that off, the day after that date we are heading on a trip together out of town with some of his friends for the weekend. Gulp. I feel like things are moving really fast but in my experience, that's what online dating does for any relationship. None of this, does he want to be dating someone right now or does he just like me as a friend or what exactly. It's refreshing to be completely honest. And this is the point where I hoped one of us bloggers would get - where you like someone enough not to write about your relationship online. So I guess I am to that point, although after 48 plus hours together this weekend, things might be different! If you don't hear from me, assume I still have a date for New Year's Eve:)

Follow up on Panera...

He was really nice, it was a nice meet over coffee, I didn't even realize that 3 hours had gone by when I looked at my watch. He's going to India today for two weeks, so we're going to try and get together before I leave to go home for Christmas.Not an huge sparks yet, but I'll be patient- maybe after a few times of getting together?

But I can't help but resonate with some of the other posts on here- especially about the holidays and being single for yet another Christmas while my little sister will be at Christmas with her husband and continuing to lament inside about "why me?". I'm trying to have a good attitude, but it's just not happening yet. I totally agree with Banjo's and Paris- I have the same mood swings ;) I just want a mountain man who likes to travel and isn't scared off by my life circumstances- will that ever happen?

it's the most wonderful time of the year?

This weekend, I did a little Christmas decorating, which is typically one of my favorite activities of the year. And it was fun, but . . . at some point in the middle of perfectly positioning the sparkly garland and hanging my lone stocking above the fireplace, I realized that I was doing this alone. Again.

I fought through the tears with the help of Bing Crosby and a delicious latte, but I couldn't help but focus on my loneliness. For some reason, Christmas reminds me that I am single. Maybe it's the lovey-dovey couples everywhere, the increase in engagements, the snow and the romance it brings, or having to face my family and all of my (much) younger siblings and cousins who are now married and having kids of their own. Just once, I would love to take my handsome, artsy, funny boyfriend home with me. But, once again, that won't happen this year.

Until that day comes, I'll just focus on how easy it is for me to choose where I'll spend the holidays -- no fighting over his parents' house or mine. That's something to be thankful for, right?

Sorry if this is a depressing post. And yes, I'm the same girl who posted a list of things she was thankful for on Thanksgiving. That still stands. So congratulations: you have now seen the full scope of my mood swings! :)

Panera...

I'm going out for lunch tomorrow. We'll see, but I'm not too confident. He seems really nice on paper, but we've had that before. Is it a bad sign if I'm already thinking of these things? I have to baby-sit at night, so I have to be home from lunch early-ish. That will be my out if things get awkward. I don't know if I'm ready for any of this!

thank you.

(photo source)

today is a day of thanks, so I thought I'd point out a few things, in particular that I am thankful for.

the ladies who have decided to join me in this dating venture and understand the challenges that come along with being single

encouragement from friends who are in good, healthy relationships

laughter

being single, as opposed to being in a bad relationship

the opportunities that being single provides

the hundreds of men who i've been matched with on eharmony, who remind me that there are still single guys out there -- and they want to be in a relationship

all of you, dear readers

hope

whiskey? no?

Okay, so I did it.

I actually went on a date with someone that I met online. Actually, I don't know if you can call it a "date." My friend refers to it as a "meet-up." I like this term better. He didn't pay. Well, he tried, but I beat him there (it was just a coffee shop, and we were just grabbing a light lunch), and I didn't feel like awkwardly waiting for him to get there, or making it seem like I was waiting on him because I wanted him to pay for it. Actually, I think he was bothered by it . . .

Well, maybe I should back up a bit . . .

So this guy and I started chatting about a month ago. He's perfect on paper: artsy, interesting, funny, smart, has a good job, etc. Just one e-mail into the "open communication" phase, he asked if I wanted to meet up. After an incredibly encouraging e-mail from a friend, I decided to say yes. I mean, why not, right? Still, I was nervous.

First of all, every single one of his photos online looked like a different person. How was I supposed to identify him? This turned out to be fairly easy in reality -- and so did the date, in general.

Tip: If you're nervous about meeting someone from online, meet up for lunch, and have a deadline. For example, we met on a Thursday, and I had to be back at work at a certain time. If it goes well, then great. If it doesn't, at least you have an out.

Anyway, he was a really nice guy, and everything that he said in his profile seemed to be true. He was interesting, artsy, etc., but I honestly wasn't attracted to him, and I felt like he was a little awkward. Also, I had to carry the conversation the majority of the time, which I did not enjoy. I found myself looking at the clock, which was strategically placed on the wall, right above his head.

We left the coffee shop, gave each other a hug, and he said, "Well, I'll e-mail you soon." I said, "Yeah, sure, definitely." But as I said it, I was already plotting the outline of my rejection e-mail. Brash? Maybe. But (and this may be a really weird statement), I found myself thinking that he was not the kind of guy that I could have fun with at a bluegrass show. I want a guy who will drink whiskey, slightly embarrass me by being overly chatty with everyone around us, and just, in general, have a good time. I don't think he was that guy.

Ironically, though I planned my rejection, he has not contacted me. It's interesting how quickly I can go from feeling like the rejector to the rejectee. (Are those even real words?) Yikes. I'm realizing that I may be a bit more vain than I had thought. Uh oh.

So . . . will I go out with anyone else from eHarmony? Maybe. I definitely feel more comfortable with the idea now. And I have proven to myself that I can turn a somewhat awkward situation into an okay one. Apparently, I'm good at talking about myself for an hour!

The fun never stops

Well, two Match dates in one week = one tired girl. Seriously, that is too much to be that witty for that many hours, especially when the second date lasted eight hours! That's a full day of work friends.

Let me back up a bit. First date of the week was fine but nothing to write home about (although he was awfully good looking). He actually couldn't look me in the eye. I wasn't sure if I should chalk it up to nerves or what but the conservation just wasn't there so I haven't persued a second date.

Second date was on a Friday night and we met for Happy Hour which led to drinks which led to dancing. And did I say drinks? I think that helped fuel the eight hour marathon. At the end of the date, he asked if I wanted to hang out again because he had such a great time. I agreed and proposed going on a date a few days later to this event I had free tickets to. He agreed and said he would call the day of the event to figure out when to meet up, etc.

Date came of said event and no word from this guy. An hour before the event, I start to panic mostly because I realize he probably doesn't want to go and now I am dateless/friendless to this event downtown. I scramble to find a friend that can take his place and everyone is busy. Awesome. I text him to make sure he doesn't want to go and finally hear back from him several hours later that night. Text reads - Oh my god I'm so sorry I haven't called! Bad day today

Really? Bad day? I'm having a bad day too now that I am missing this event I had free tickets to! I don't respond. Next morning - receive another text of apology and a promise to call later to explain him standing me up. He does call that night with an explanation. I'm not saying it was a good one, but I did say I would go out with him again but that he has to plan the date to make up for it and it had better be good:)

Food Meet Recap

So, I met my match on Saturday. We went to lunch and had good conversation for quite a while. There were no fights, no arguments, and while neither of us pulled any punches, we still had a good time.
Like I suspected, there weren't any romantic sparks, but maybe the beginning of a good friendship.

So, not much else on the meeting matches front, but I met one!

when coffee becomes scary . . .

The time has come: I have an official eHarmony date. We're meeting for coffee/lunch on a weekday. Because we both work for companies that give us a one-hour lunch break, this is good. Very good. If the date is terrible, I only have to stay there for a minimum of 60 minutes -- actually, less. If it's good, then . . . well, great!

In the mean time, I'll be worrying about

• what to wear
• what to say
• actually identifying him at the coffee shop
• not running into anyone I know
• etc., etc., etc.

Oh boy.

Stay tuned.

Ever?

I agree with must love fireworks and red wine.... will this ever work? Things are looking dreary indeed. Is there anyone out there who's not intimidated by a successful woman, pursuing her masters', who wants to travel the world helping people and doesn't want to live in the suburbs? Will I meet him before I'm old and still able to have children? I know that's why we did this experiment, but things have really looked dreary lately. I've stopped getting interesting matches from the 'harm and I'm starting to doubt that he's even out there. I'm SO TIRED of having to be happy for my friends who have the life I want to be living and WATCHING them live out my dreams. Is he even out there? Bueller?? Anyone?? Sincerely, FRUSTRATED.

I was right

Not sure if anyone remembers my last post about the guy choosing prepping for his bike riding race on Sunday over drinks with me on a Friday night (we made plans for Tuesday instead). I'd love to say we met up and it was love at first sight and by the end of the night I was teasing him about saying he couldn't meet up with me.

No, instead I arrived to work on Tuesday (the night of the meet up) to an email in my inbox titled "Oops". I'm not going to copy and paste, but it was about three sentences and said something to the effect of, "I've become otherwise engaged with someone else." He must have had one hell of a weekend then! I knew something was off about the whole situation and I can now see he was just postponing me until he probably had a date with another girl. I can say this because I have done the same thing. Oh, his loss I suppose. My favorite part of the whole situation was the subject of the email - Oops.

Good news is, have two dates lined up for next week. Hopefully I don't get blown off for them having to shave or something.

Oofta.

It took me 3 hours tonight to get the courage. To get the courage to return a phone call from Wednesday. A phone call inviting me to the Bronco game Monday night for our Date #2.

"The Bronco game? That's a great date!" my friend told me last night. Which of course it is, and which of course made my heart sink even a bit further because I still hadnt returned this phone call. Delaying the inevitable.... which was to try to figure out how to say that I'd rather go climbing with some friends than go to the Bronco game with him. Because, when you're just not interested, even the Bronco game doesnt sound so great. So, I finally found the courage, at 5 minutes to 10:00 to give him a call, and muster up the words to say I didn't think I was interested in going on a second date. The phone call lasted all of 2 minutes, because thats as long as it took me to tell him that I realized I had been avoiding calling him back because I just wasnt interested. And, for him to be sweet and tell me not to worry. And, of course, for him to tell me that his roommate knows me - turns out his roommate was a good friend of an ex-boyfriend of mine. Go figure.

letter from eHarmony

here is a letter i received from eHarmony today in my email inbox. my internal reactions and thoughts will be in parentheses. enjoy.

Dear (insert my real name),

You’ve been asking for it and it’s finally here! (what have i been asking for? more matches? true love or even just a date?)

Share your story, win great prizes and connect with other success couples like you. (win great prizes. yes please. wait, "other success couples like you"? when did i become a success couple? when did i even become a couple with someone? last time i checked i haven't even gone out on a date yet.)

Over the years, couples like you—that have found so much happiness and joy on eHarmony—have been requesting a way to share your stories with other like-minded eHarmony couples. During the next several weeks, eHarmony will be launching its Facebook page and we’re kicking it off with the Celebration of Love, a special tribute to success couples like you. (happiness and joy. really? i'm not experiencing happiness and joy on eHarmony. i'm experiencing comparison, disappointment, and rejection. why did i do this again?)

Meet, laugh, and connect with a community of people that have a very important shared experience with you—they too met the love of their lives on eHarmony. We invite you to post pictures, videos, favorite moments, and dating highlights. Our goal is to create a very festive celebration on the eHarmony Facebook page and we can’t do it without you!! (love of my life? i would love to meet the love of my life, but i'm not even getting a chance to do that since eHarmony hasn't sent me a match in over a week. maybe i should join the facebook page and post all the hellish experiences i have had with eHarmony in the past and this round.)

It wouldn’t be a party without gifts, so we will be giving them out every week. So be sure to share your story on Facebook and invite other success couples to do the same. (i like gifts! i don't think they will give me a gift for a bad story, so maybe i'll just make one up. that would be hilarious!)

Thank you so much. We can’t wait to see you on Facebook. Just go to www.facebook.com/eharmony or click on the button below to join us! (screw you eHarmony. i don't like you anymore.)



With very warm regards,
The eHarmony Success Stories Team (maybe you should form an eHarmony failure stories team)

A "food meet"

So I have been talking to a guy on Match.com for a few weeks now. I can't remember how I found his profile... but I did. I am not sure that I am romantically interested in him, but he is from a land that I love, so I wanted to get to know him a bit better.
We have had some good discussions and one argument... or debate on theological issues. This revolved mostly around praying to Mary and the saints. light stuff.
The debate ended with a bet. He bet me that the original Hebrew of a particular verse didn't say the same in an English Bible. He bet me lunch.
I don't pride myself on being a theologian, but when I looked at the 16 versions of the bible on my iPhone, 14 of them said the same word. I then went to find English translations of the Torah and the 2 that I found also said the same word.
So, not being satisfied, he asked some Torah expert friends of his.... while I waited. I was confident.
He let me know today that I was right, and that I could collect my winnings whenever I want.
So I made plans for lunch this Saturday. I hope that meeting him goes well, that he is more attractive in the real life than in his profile picture and that we don't get in a fight!

At least I am going to meet someone!

following

Based on the amount of comments and followers, not to mention the ridiculous number of random people who tell us they're reading our blog, we'd love to know how many readers we actually have.

If you haven't already become a "follower" of us, we encourage you to do so. If you're following anonymously or you don't want to be a follower, please leave us a quick comment on this post (anonymous is fine).

We're curious! :)

a day in the life

Awhile ago, Must Love Coffee & Skyscrapers gave you a nice succinct rundown of the structure of eHarmony; however, I thought I'd go a step farther and give you a step-by-step overview of the day in the life of an eHarmony participant. (Please note: We are not all doing eHarmony. Some are doing Match.)

Step 1: Check e-mail in the morning to see if I actually received matches. These mysterious notifications regarding potential dream guys (or not) sneak into my inbox at some point in the middle of the night. Most days, I receive somewhere between 5 and 10 new matches. Yes, every single morning.

Step 2: Log into eHarmony. This is more difficult than you might think. You see eHarmony must have realized that the temptation exists for friends and family to log into an account and have some fun with profiles and matches, so they don't "remember" your login name and password. I'm annoyed by this on a daily basis, though I'm sure I would be appreciative if the threat existed for someone to log in as me.

Step 3: Check out the new profiles.

Step 4: Review and decide if I am going to close them out, keep them, or start communication.

Let's take a look at today's matches:

Bachelor #1: engineer, 27 years old, 6'0", Christian, wants kids, drinks about once a week, never smokes.

Pros: Well, there aren't many. He likes Seinfeld. I guess that's a pro.

Cons: Might like Seinfeld a little too much; he lists the characters as the most influential people in his life. And his profile photo sort of looks like a mug shot.

Verdict: Close.

Bachelor #2: retail manager, 32 years old, 5'9", Christian, wants kids, drinks about once a week, never smokes.

Pros: Seems to really respect his mom.

Cons: He says his pets are his primary focus. Do I want to compete with animals? No. Also, he sent me an "icebreaker," which is basically equivalent to the winks of match.com. it said, "Just wanted to say hi!" but then he didn't start communication. I think this means he's throwing the ball in my court in a lame kind of way.

Verdict: I'll leave him open for now, but if he doesn't initiate communication this week, he'll be closed.

Bachelor #3: park ranger, 26 years old, 5'10", Christian, wants kids, drinks about once a week, never smokes.

Pros: Seems like a nice guy, but that's it. There is nothing about this profile that sticks out to me in any way whatsoever.

Cons: I'm not attracted to him at all. Do I feel shallow for wanting to close him out? Yes.

Verdict: Close.

Bachelor #4: real estate agent, 30 years old, 5'9", Christian, maybe wants kids, drinks several times a week, never smokes.

Pros: He's attractive, but not my type.

Cons: He barely filled out his profile. Basically, I know nothing about this guy.

Verdict: Close.

Bachelor #5: teacher, 32 years old, 6'0", wants kids, drinks about once a week, never smokes.

Pros: He likes sad music and refers to himself as a "closet hippie" (except he spelled it "hippy").

Cons: He seems REALLY into sports. I'm not attracted to him. Also, he only posted one photo, and he's making a really weird, kind of creepy face in it.

Verdict: Close.

Bachelor #6: sales rep, 34 years old, 5'10", Christian, wants kids, drinks about once a week, smokes a few times a year.

Pros: Likes Italian food. Again, nothing else sticks out to me.

Cons: His favorite book is The DaVinci Code. Admittedly, I read the book. It's okay. Is it my favorite? No. Should it be anyone's favorite? No.

Verdict: Close.

(Now, I'm sure some of you are thinking that I closed a lot of people out and that I'll never meet anyone by doing this every day. Maybe you're right; however, I do keep some open occasionally. Soon, I plan to write a post focused on reasons I keep matches open or initiate communication. Take heart, precious readers.)

Step 5: Check to see who chose to close me out. Yes, eHarmony forces you to look at them. Well, kind of. Admittedly, I check out each guy's profile to see what kind of guy actually decided that he didn't want me to be a part of his life. Really, can you imagine? Today, it's a 28-year-old special ed teacher who loves sports, his jeep, and helping people. Sounds nice. But he's not attractive, so this makes me feel better. Yes, being honest. Feel free to judge me.

Step 6: Check to see if any of the matches have sent me communication. None today. All are in "waiting for his answers" phase -- except for one, to whom I need to respond. Yes, I've been putting it off. But perhaps now is the perfect time, since you're walking through this with me.

These are the 2nd set of questions, and they come from a 28-year-old designer. Every single one of his photos looks like a different person; however, his profile intrigued me. He's artsy, loves music, has a husky (I love huskies), and seems really funny. Also, he mentioned that he loves NYC and going to the museums and galleries there. I like this.

I'll respond to his questions:

1. What is the one dream for your life you must look forward to having come true?

2. How important is it to you that your partner fulfill traditional gender roles? Would you like a man who maintains cars, managers the finances, and is handy around the house?

3. Tonight you can do anything you want, no penalties, no reprisals, and the cost is unimportant. What are you going to do?

I'd love to tell you my answers, but I won't. Not tonight. :)

Step 7: Log off.

Step 8: Wait.

what a small world we've created.

ok, we knew this was going to happen. We've been blogging for a month about the same bad matches, the matches that have passed us over for a friend, the matches that have requested communication with multiple "must love" girls....

We knew, going into this, using the same site, we would cross paths. I was still caught a little off guard when it happened again this past weekend to must love teens and beans and me! After almost two weeks of emails, the boy asked me an uncomfortable question: "There's a girl in one of your pictures who looks familiar...she looks like one of my matches....is it teens and beans?". Whoops, because, as a matter of fact, I'm sure it is t & b.

So now what? I emailed him back and confirmed that yes, I was sure it was t & b. I feel bad for him...what an awkward situation to be in-- accidentally talking to two friends! Luckily, t & b and I have not seen each other for a while, so we have not been discussing this poor guy behind his back...but did he believe me when I told him that?

(Also, I realized a while ago the previously mentioned picture may not be a good choice, but I can't get it to delete off the site...it's stuck.)

I kind of feel like I've been busted.

We did it to ourselves.

Whoops.

First Date

I just had my very first eharmony actual in person date. We met in a coffeeshop. I chose one that I dont often frequent, just in case he turned out to be crazy. Thankfully, he wasnt crazy, he was nice. And he was just as tall as his profile said he was, which was great :-) After fretting about all the insignificant details - like, should I get there first? Should I be perfectly exactly on time? Or should I get there late? And somewhat significant details of what should I wear? How should I do my hair? None of those details mattered at all, and we had a great conversation. He even opened the door for me, which was great. I happen to love that. We bonded over the fact that both of our dream jobs would be being independently wealthy full time philanthropists, and that we both *hate* going shopping. There were no instantaneous lightning bolt sparks of chemistry, and he looks an awful lot like one of my bosses, which was a bit strange for me, but those things are not insurmountable ;-)

So will I see him again? I think yes :-)

Really??

I got a message from a boy about a week ago saying that he needed some time to figure out things with him and God (and from our date, I wasn't feeling ANY chemistry- so I wasn't crushed!), and then to my BFF (who was also matched up with him) said that on the same day, he nudged her. I'm not an expert or anything.... but if you're saying that you are taking the time to work through your own issues and improve yourself and find the Lord again, continuing to be on the prowl probably ISN'T on the agenda. Just a long shot here!? He probably didn't know that we were friends, and that we would talk and exchange that information- or publish his actions on this blog. WOW. It gave me something entertaining to laugh at this week though!! Just thought I would share for everyone else to be entertained by!!

things are looking dreary.

i have been cooped up in the house for two days due to the snow and haven't received a new match for over a week on eHarmony. today, i decided i would push the little "find new matches" button to see if there were any new people out there for me. the message below is what eHarmony gave me in return.

message from eHarmony:
Our matching system was not able to find any new matches for you right now.

However, we are always automatically searching for new matches for you. Several thousand people join eHarmony each day and our matching system evaluates each one of them within 24 hours to see if they are a great match for you.

We will notify you via email when matches are found or you can check your My Matches page at eHarmony whenever you like.

Our matching criteria, based on the 29 dimensions of compatibility, are extremely strict, and are what makes eHarmony a unique and powerful tool in finding your soul mate. We will keep searching and hope to find some wonderful matches for you soon.

things are looking dreary. no matches? eHarmony, i'm not sure that i like your 29 dimensions of compatibility. why am i not compatible with the thousands of new guys that sign up on your site every day? i think i should have tried out Match.

a date or riding your bike?

What would you choose? If a girl asked you to meet up in person on Friday night for the first time after a few weeks of emailing , would you say:

a) Yes, I've been dying to meet you since I first saw your profile on Match, let's meet even sooner...maybe Thursday? OR

b) I don't think I can meet up for a drink on Friday night because I'm getting back into bike racing and have a race on Sunday - how about next week?

I DO NOT understand people's obsession with bike racing/riding. I mean, I like to work out and all and sometimes schedule other things around it for sure, but turning a girl down? Come on buddy. Maybe I'll tell him I'm too busy washing my hair after work next week and he'll get the hint. Or maybe I'm being too harsh and realizing how excited I am to meet this boy and he's just procrastinating the process.

Well, he better hurry up because I'm also emailing with two other dudes. And they don't ride bikes.

Crossing Paths

People say that most of the time you are friends with people similar to yourself. Similar interests. Similar personalities. Similar lifestyles. Similar in one way or another. I believe it! Unfortunately, if 8 women get together that live in the same area with similar interests and decide to start online dating then paths are bound to cross at some point. Since the beginning of October, I have gotten matched up with several of the same guys that my other friends on eHarmony have gotten matched up with including one guy that Must Love Teens and Beans has been on several dates with. (Speaking of that, Must Love Teens and Beans, where are your posts?) Well this weekend, we took crossing paths to a whole new level. Must Love Art and Music was matched with the last guy I dated. I received a text message from her on Friday morning that said "I just got matched up with ______" and my heart sank a little. Questions flooded my mind: Was he single again? Did he know that he was getting matched up with people on eHarmony still? Would he try to "communicate" with her? Must Love Art and Music closed him right away because that's the unspoken rule between women. You don't even consider talking to a guy that your friend used to date. Curiousity over took me though and I emailed him instantly. The guy and I met on eHarmony the last time I was trying online dating sites and dated for a few months, then I called it off. Then I found out at the end of the summer that he was dating someone else now and we haven't talked since then. I thought I would break the silence with an email with the motive being to inform him that he is still getting matched up with women on eHarmony and the drive being my curiosity.

The email went something like this:
"Hi ______.

So I got this funny text from one of my best friends this morning. She said "I got matched up with _______!" She's doing eHarmony and apparently got matched up with you this morning. If you have a girlfriend, maybe you should delete your profile. :) Anyways, I thought I would let you know since sometimes people don't realize that even if you aren't paying for eHarmony that your profile still shows up.

I hope you are doing well and school isn't completely kicking your ass this semester!"

The email I received back was nice, filled with grammar errors and questions about my life, and confirming. When my heart sank and I emailed him immediately, I questioned whether or not I did the right thing by calling things off back in the Spring. Did I still have feelings for him? Why was I feeling like this? The answers: No, I don't have feelings for him. I was feeling like that because I'm lonely and when I was with him I wasn't lonely. When I was with him, there was someone who took interest in my life, complimented me, and made me feel desirable. Selfishly, I want all of that again. I don't want it with him, but I want it with someone. Who is that someone? Will I meet him in the next few months? eHarmony isn't giving me much promise of even a date in the next couple of months at this point, so we'll see. In the meantime, I need to decide if I'm going to answer all of his questions and write him back or go back to the silence.

the good and the bad

First, the bad....

I vowed to stop posting people's profile answers on here (I was feeling a little mean), but I couldn't pass up sharing this one:

The most important thing ***** is looking for in a person is:

What I am looking for in a Partner is EXTREMELY Simple! Someone whom is Honestly Lonely enough at this point in her Life, that you are willing to put the time into Building a special relationship. As I am willing to do the same for You! The REASON I present that in the way I do, is because I have Clearly seen that People are just too (Busy), to take the Concept of finding a Partner Seriously! I have plenty of friends MYSELF, BUT...they are All Married themselves with Lives and Commitments of their OWN in life Now! Therefore, I'm not that busy anymore.

say what??! I need an interpreter for this one.

ok, now I'll stop.

But here's the good....

Over 3 weeks since our start date and I've finally reached open communication (aka email) with a boy and he seems very nice!!!!! I'm just so excited to be finally emailing freely and out of Guided Communication. Yay me :)

I don't know what's worse...

We just ended things online, and to be honest, I don't know what worse- ending things in person or through email. He said there was nothing wrong with me, we just have different callings. He wants to be in the suburbs or in the country, and I want to be overseas. We'd just be hoping that things might change in the next few years. Will I ever find someone who's not afraid to go see the world and live overseas for awhile??? It's not for life, I just want more than the "ordinary, American life". Not that there's anything wrong with being a hunter's widow or living here in America, I just don't think it's for me, and that's probably not going to change anytime soon. Why does dating have to be SO COMPLICATED and over-rated?! This thing called love is ridiculous and messy!?

Profile: Round Two

I am not finding what I am looking for. So I am revamping my profile.
I am reminded of short story writing… The first page—some would say the first sentence—of any writing should grab the reader’s attention and leave him/her wanting more. What is my hook? What can I say in that first sentence that encompasses me fully? I want to come off catchy and funny and interesting and smart and thoughtful and intellectual and spiritual.
The next rule that comes to mind is the climax. However interesting the introduction, close the sequence, or rapid the action, it is always the climax toward which the mind is ever reaching. What is the high point? The culmination? What is it that people will walk away with? Will men want to respond? With the RIGHT men want to respond?
A conclusion is the next thing that I fret over when writing my profile. It should be concise. It should end well, making a pretty little package out of me!
So I am redoing my profile. I plan to make a few things a little softer and bring a few more things to the forefront, making them a focal point.
I hate that I have to have a great profile. I don’t like that I am totally and thoroughly judged by a few words and a couple pictures.
I wanna say “I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS” but even then, if I post that then men might just think that I am avoiding questions and not willing to share who I am.
The whole point of being online is to share who I am with someone. I want to share my life. I want to have someone to tell things to, to make a life with.

It seems like such a vicious circle.

is that the best you've got?

Come on guys, the profile answers are your one chance to catch my attention and this is the best you can come up with?

The one thing ***** is most passionate about:

• I'm not sure what I'm passionate about.

The last book ***** read and enjoyed:

• Well I don't read many books. For me the only book worth reading is the bible.

The most influential person in *****'s life has been:

• Everyone has influenced me to be who I am today.

One thing that only *****'s best friends know is:

• If only my best friends know, then we should probably keep it that way

One thing that only *****'s best friends know is:

• When you become one of my best friends then you will know.

The three things which ***** is most thankful for:

• God
• My family
• All my friends

The things ***** can't live without are:

• Food
• Water
• Shelter
• Sports
• Fun and Happiness

Some additional information ***** wanted you to know is:

• A little mystery keeps things more interesting, don't you think?

Some additional information ***** wanted you to know is:

• There's no one else like me.

I know, there's nothing actually wrong with these answers, but did you even try? Give this a little more effort...please!

something tells me . . .

that the last line might not be true . . .

• I consider myself to be courteous and well rounded. When it comes to wine, I gravitate to reds from Spain, or France. White wine is also welcome in my home. I can also cook and do so regularly. If there is anything else you would like to know, just ask. I am a very open person. Lastly, you will not be embarrassed by my behavior.

Does this mean I get around?

So I have had two dates now. Within 48 hours. I feel like this means I might get around. I mean, they were the two boys I was most intrigued by online, and I wanted to get to know them both more, but two within 48 hours seems a bit much. I mean, really.

The first one and I went to a wine bar downtown, and I met the second one today for coffee at a local coffee shop. The first one ended up being a Catholic and a counselor, and on paper, I would have thought he and I would gotten along really well, but not so much in person. We just didn't seem to "click" together instantly. I had a lot of fun with this second one today. We just laughed over coffee, and I would really like to get to know him better. He was really great and intriguing! I'm looking forward to what the future might hold! Who knows!? No high hopes really, but he was really funny! Maybe more to come- Maybe?!

I like to have fun...

...but probably not with you.

I feel like every man I get matched up with on eHarmony likes to have fun and is looking for a woman who likes to have fun too. Sometimes, I look at their photos or read their profiles and think to myself "do you really like to have fun?" The guy's photos are more than likely him taking a self-portrait of himself in the mirror or with his MacBook Photobooth application. I'm thinking - "Where are your friends?" I go through his profile and his favorite thing to do is play video games and he works as a Data Analyst. Really? You like to have fun? You don't seem fun at all. Today, my friend tweeted about the following video on Twitter. I felt like I was scrolling through my daily eHarmony matches while I was watching the following video. I hope you laugh as hard as I did. Enjoy!

Dating Montage
by smithy00101

the "bases" of eHarmony

I don't know if everyone realizes what it takes to actually email someone on eHarmony; I certainly didn't until I began this experiment. So here's what we see any time we are matched with someone. There's always the option of "FastTracking" someone and moving right to "Open Communication," but typically, this is what we go through, what some of us have sarcastically started calling the "bases" of eHarmony.

	Read his About Me
	Answer his Questions
	Send 1st Questions- 1st Base?
	Read his Answers
	Send Must Haves and Can't Stands-2nd Base?
	Read his Must Haves and Can't Stands
	Send 2nd Questions- 3rd Base?
	Read his Answers
	Answer his Questions
	Read Dr. Warren's Message
	Start Open Communication- HOME RUN?!

As you can see, it is quite the game. There are mulitple choice questions, short answers, and the constant waiting game. And it can take forever!!! Thanks for your patience :)

MORTIFIED!!

I was totally busted and caught off guard today. At Church.
I was approached by one of our Pastors at church today. "Hey." he started. We hugged and I figured this would be a shallow, quick conversation. "Hey, I saw you..." I was thinking 'saw me in the car, on Pearl Street, in a picture' but no. Not that simple.
"Hey, I saw you... saw you on Match.com"
Oh no. Busted. Not sure if my face belied the mortification or not, but quickly I found myself asking "What are you doing on Match.com?" as I motioned toward his wife.
"no,no,no it was on Facebook. I saw your picture. It was one of those ads." He then told me my screen name on the site.
So my friends, I am busted. I didn't know that my screen name and picture was being used as advertising for the website, OR that it would be used as an ad on my friends' profiles, but people are out there seeing me.
This is scary!
If you see my picture, do me a favor and screen shot it for me... so I can see what version of me is posted all over the internet!

who didn't love you?

Recently, I joined a group of ladies and discussed the topic of rejection. If you're at all like me, just the sound of the word can make you want to run away and hide. The speaker asked a very harsh question: "Who didn't love you?" Ouch. Names ran through my head. My heart ached. I did my best to think happy thoughts.

But there was no escaping it; we have all been rejected at some point. We offered our hearts, and the recipient refused. Perhaps they didn't think we were interesting enough, beautiful enough, skinny enough . . . just not enough.

No matter how loved we are, no matter how many friends we have, those few that have denied us always seem to be more prevalent in our thoughts. The rejection outweighs the acceptance.

Today, I experienced my first rejection online that actually stung. A week or so ago, I was matched up with a guy. He was tall, handsome, played the guitar, loved his nephew, seemed interesting. I "started communication," and he ignored my request. I "nudged" him. He still didn't respond. I made up excuses . . . maybe his computer is broken, he's out of the country, he doesn't check the site often, etc. But today, he saw my request to communicate and closed me out. It's sort of like tapping someone on the shoulder, saying, "Hi! I'm blah blah blah," and having them turn around, look you up and down, and walk away without a single word. Ouch.

But rejection is part of relationships. It's part of this game. I don't like it. And I don't like rejecting guys because they're not handsome enough, not tall enough, not interesting enough, not enough. I feel like I do more rejecting than accepting, and I hate it. Really. But it goes on in real life as well, I suppose. But I don't have to tell someone that I'm rejecting them face-to-face like I do online. And I don't have to be told either.

I'm not sure that any of us will ever become immune to the pain of rejection. Anyone who can say that they are is probably lying. We all want to be loved, to be told that we're beautiful, and to feel interesting.

I don't have any concluding thoughts on this. I wish I did . . . some trite little saying at the end of this. All I have to say is that rejection sucks.