This is easy???

So a close guy friend of mine gets word that I've been on a date with a guy from EH. And he's flabbergasted..."That guy gets a date with you that easy?! That's crazy..."

And so of course, I get defensive. "It isn't easy to date online! You really have to put yourself out there!"

"Oh yeah, it's really hard to wade through the hundreds of profiles...it's like trolling while fishing." While i'm not EXACTLY sure what the fishing reference was supposed to mean, this guy got me thinking...

(and because this was mostly via IM, it all translates so well:).

describe your . . .

So there comes a point in some eHarmony relationships (the ones that actually progress) when you get to ask three essay questions. It's sort of like college, when you got those blue books, and you had to write about Moby Dick or Voltaire or Shakespeare. Well, these are like blue books in which you write short answers about yourself.

There are a lot of questions to choose from, but I typically choose the following three:

1. Describe an interest you have that you would truly hope your partner could share with you.

2. If you had three wishes, what would they be?

3. Describe your spirituality.

Well, this week, I accidentally chose the wrong question instead of #3. Apparently, I was busy watching "Conveyor Belt of Love" and chose "Describe your personal style" instead of "Describe your spirituality." I didn't realize my mistake until the poor guy responded with an impressive answer about his style -- tough for a guy living in this mountain town. Immediately, I started laughing. I would never, ever ask that question of anyone, but I like that he handled it well.

Unfortunately, I don't get to know about his spirituality, and because he thought it was so interesting that I asked him about his style, he asked me the same question. Great . . . I have no idea how to answer that one. Maybe I should just close him now . . .

a real Stand Up guy!

When is it okay to stand a girl up?
When is it okay to make plans with a girl and then not follow through??

During my first online dating experience I was talking with a guy fairly often. It seemed like we had a lot of similar interests, and things were going really well. We would talk a lot. We would talk for a good chunk of time. We didn't have marathon calls, but we would have a good talk, laugh a lot and enjoy time.
He asked if I would like to meet. HECK YES I DID!! This guy was SO SO cute and we really had a lot in common. We made plans and I was stoked. At the last minute he called to tell me that he had forgotten that his license plates had expired, and he wasn't comfortable driving. I was really crushed and confused.
We made plans to meet again, and because of the snow, he had to cancel.
We made plans again, but he hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before, so we had to postpone.
I REALLY began to resent him. I was so hurt that he wasn't into me enough to do anything to see me that I couldn't even see straight.
We made plans one last time, and this time at least he manned up enough to tell me he didn't really want to meet me.
I was hurt, but more than that I was glad that he finally SAID that he didn't want to see me.
I had completely forgotten about this experience.... until today.

I have been talking with a guy from Match for about 2 weeks. We haven't talked a whole lot, but he asked to see me. I feel like seeing a person in the flesh really helps to decide whether or not you want to see them again, or at all!
We made plans to meet last week. This week, he confirmed our date again, which I thought was a good thing. I didn't want to make the plans, so I had been taking a back seat on the planning aspect. We chatted and traded texts a couple times this week, so we have been in contact...
WELL FOLKS.... it is 8:30 on Friday night and I haven't heard from him yet. I sent a text at 4:15, but no answer.
Again I am frustrated! I deserve to be taken out! I deserve to have someone follow through and pick me up and take me to dinner!
SO, this no-show-dud is going to be closed, and I am not going to waste any more time on him.

On to someone who will be there for me!!

Just like regular dating...

So last night, after being barraged by matches that just seemed like a bunch of WEIRDOS, I broke down. Laughing, but honestly frustrated, I called my roommates over to show them the king of the strange-os, a guy that was so over the top that I couldn't read his profiles (the parts that weren't in hebrew) with a straight face.

My roommates almost died reading about this guy that had chosen to open communication with me, and while i was 4% embarrassed that I was open to such approaches, I was glad they got such a kick out of how ridiculous this online dating thing could be. And then, seeing their pure glee at looking over guys profiles, I set them loose. I was exhausted, and not stoked about any of my matches, so I told them I was going to bed, and that if they were good roomies, they should go through my matches and close any that were weird. And after they got over their brief stint of disbelief, they went at the list with gusto. Thankfully, I woke up this morning with 3/4 of the men from my list closed....

Why am i doing this again? Oh yeah, because I'm open to finding the one. Gotta try to remember that!

WARNING!

Some of us "must love...us" ladies thought our blog world friends should see the letter from Dr. Warren that we have to read before entering into the "open communication" stage.
It's quite hilarious. Enjoy.
Summary of letter: "WARNING! He might be a psycho and we're not responsible."

eHarmony works hard to provide you with matches that are compatible with your personality and values based on our study of successful relationships. I'm pleased that you have chosen to proceed to Open Communication with this match.

At this point, we want to give you some "rules-of-the-road" for communicating with, and eventually meeting someone that you have been introduced to through eHarmony, or any other website. Especially if this is your first time communicating with a match, please read through these carefully.

1. Always Use Your Best Judgment

eHarmony relies on the complete honesty of our users to create our compatibility profiles. Our system works hard to screen-out applicants who are not truthful. However, it is ultimately your responsibility to decide if someone is being truthful and honest. Don't ignore your instincts and please don't depend totally on eHarmony for evaluating a person you've been matched with. As with people you may meet under any circumstances, your judgment and instincts are necessary to protect yourself from deceitful individuals.

Here are some signs to consider: Watch out for someone who asks for money, uses vulgar language, asks inappropriate questions, or suggests sexual fantasies. Be careful of those who want to speed up the pace, tell you how to run your life, tell stories with inconsistencies, give vague answers to specific questions, urge you to compromise your principles, blame others for their troubles or are always speaking romantically. These are just a few of the signs you may want to think twice about before continuing.

2. Be Cautious Sharing Personal Information

We strongly encourage you to be cautious when sharing personal information that could reveal your identity. Our Open Communication system will let you communicate while remaining safely anonymous. Don't give out your name, e-mail or phone number until you feel you have truly gotten to know someone. Once you've given out personal information, you cannot take it back! We encourage you to use our anonymous communication system until you are ready for the next step: Talking by phone.

Speaking by phone to the other person is also a critical requirement in getting to know each other better. Before you share phone numbers make sure you have discussed the need to respect each other's privacy, and if either of you decide to end communication in the future, you will not use the phone number as a means to pursue an unwanted relationship. Most people prefer the man to offer his phone number to the woman and that she initiate any future phone calls, but you decide. Keep the first call to a short duration of 15 minutes or less.

3. Do Your Own Research

It is important to note that eHarmony does not perform background checks on its members. It is also important to note that our optional identity verification service, which is powered by our partner RelyID, is not a background check. We rely on the total honesty of our members when filling out the eHarmony relationship questionnaire to supply us with honest feedback such as Date of Birth, Marital Status, City and State of Residence, Occupation, Education Background and a myriad of additional items. Regardless of the connection you feel, we encourage you to do your own research before meeting in person. This can be anything from typing your match's name into a search engine, contacting your state or local municipalities to obtain public information, or using a paid service to obtain a full background report. Above all else, use common sense. Pay attention to the details someone shares and if you find anything that doesn't add up, follow your intuition and close the communication.

4. Make Your First Date Safe and Successful

Meeting in person is a very exciting time. Approach your first meeting with reasonable high hopes, but try to limit your expectations.

• Make sure you meet in a public place, preferably during the day.
• Before meeting in person, make certain to obtain your match's first and last name and as much information about them as possible.
• Tell at least one friend or family member about your plans, and arrange to "check-in" with them after each of the first few dates.
• Try and keep the first date to about an hour. Lunch dates generally work well.
• If one or both of you are traveling a long distance, then arrange for a short first meeting and plan on getting back together, if you both agree, a few hours later or the next day. This takes some of the pressure off the first encounter.
• Do not meet at your house or place of work, or give that information out until you have had a good opportunity to better know the person. Use your own transportation. Driving yourself will allow you to leave easily if things aren't going well.

5. Take Your Time

We can't stress enough how important it is for you to take your time getting to know your match. Be aware that on-line communication tends to accelerate one's sense of comfort and intimacy. We encourage you to use eHarmony's anonymous Open Communication system as long as necessary to find out

Remember that eHarmony's matching process does not eliminate the need for real life experience. Before you create a permanent relationship together we believe it is vital that both people date and get to know each other in a deep and revealing way. If possible you should consider living in the same area for a significant time. Realize that you will need to have a broad base of experiences together. The more experiences you have together, the better your chances of avoiding hidden surprises. Allow time for a variety of experiences together, particularly the simple everyday routine.

The fundamental goal of eHarmony is to help our users marry wisely. We believe that, regardless of your high level of compatibility, rushing into a serious or marital relationship is unwise. Always move slowly, learn about and pay attention to the reality of your new relationship, as well as your relationship goals.

6. Always be Respectful and Kind

Always be respectful and treat the other person as you would want them to treat you. Not every match is going to be right. Remember, eHarmony is about bringing two people together who have a solid foundation from which a long-term relationship would have a high probability of success. You still need to carefully consider whether this particular person is one with whom you would like to further a relationship. If you feel the need to end communication, then be honest, direct and polite. The sooner you address this determination the better for both of you.

7. Report Concerns About a Match to eHarmony

If you have concerns about a particular match on eHarmony, please don't hesitate to contact Customer Care so that appropriate steps can be taken to keep eHarmony the safest and best place to start a relationship on the web. E-mail your concerns to: matchconcerns@eharmony.com.

I hope these guidelines will help to make your eHarmony experience a success, and that you will find your soul mate as so many others before you have done.

Sincerely,
Neil Clark Warren
Founder of eHarmony.com

Put me in coach!

So you may notice a substitution has been made...some ladies have moved on and one has even found what she was looking for, and the women of must love...us have invited a newbie onboard.

I was inspired to join the online dating band wagon after reading about the adventures on this blog and was especially intrigued after helping an online dater update her profile. There were attractive, single, seemingly wonderful men looking for...well, maybe for me! And so here I am, three weeks into the adventure.

And as the ladies have said in the past, it's a surprisingly challenging undertaking. More than anything , it's been hard to really spell out who I am in a profile and a couple of pictures. It's making me realize that perhaps "who I am" is actually less clear then I had previously imagined.

It's also hard to know if I'm doing this online dating thing right. My first week after signing up, a match came in that threw me for a loop...it was a guy who had pursued me in the fall, that I'd really seriously considered dating. If eharmony says we're compatible, should i have dated him?! And now that he's online dating, have I missed my chance?! I've since put these concerns to rest, and after we laughed about the match up together, the guy told me to forget eharmony and switch to Match. Which just set me off semi-worrying again...did i pick the wrong site? Am I going to miss out on the one?

Fortunately, I see online dating as simply opening doors, not closing them. I'm not the one in charge of the future, but I'm happy knowing that this little experiment is me making a statement that I'd like to find love...in the future.

great.

great. my suspicions have been confirmed.
eHarmony does match you up based on looks.
i've been getting some not-so-attractive men lately.
i'm feeling a bit like a "Ugly Betty" tonight.
see eHarmony message below.

Photos and Physical Appearance at eHarmony

We do use physical appearance as a factor in our matching process and we encourage all members to post a photo.

We know that physical attraction is important, but studies have shown it to be less important, in the long run, than characteristics like intelligence, conflict resolution and energy level among others.

Therefore we encourage you to get to know each match with an open mind and take care not to make a snap judgment based on a photo.

p.s. i have been emailing with 1 guy, started "communication" with 5 guys tonight, and "nudged" 8 guys. it's 2010 and i'm being proactive.