Maybe a spinster forever... and learning to be okay with that.

To all of our loyal fans out there, I apologize on our behalf. Our silence is- for lack of of a better word- pathetic. Not much is new in my world- no new boys really, although I did go out with a friend about a month ago and didn't even know that it was a date. At the end of the evening... I turned to go in my house (he was driving), and felt something wet in my ear. Yes ladies and gentlemen... he was making out with my ear. Not only did I not know it was a date, but that made it clear. Um... ever since he has been known not by his name but as "ear boy". Put it on my tab. Awesome. Why do these things keep happening to me?

I have interests around in my life- but MLF&RW has to keep talking me into them and saying you're not a cougar just because you're four years older. I've gone out a few times with someone from Eharm, but I'm just not feeling the chemistry there, so I think I need to just let it go if we both don't know or feel it. Same girl had to say "really, you've only been out a few times- it's not a crime" but just so we're both not hurt or drag this out... maybe I should end it before we get hurt or something. He's really sweet- and he wants to go to Paris- so Banjos... maybe I have someone for you! :) I met with my mentor last week and she wants to set me up with a friend of her's, so we'll see where that goes. I used TO HATE the idea of being set up, but if the person knows me and the other person, then maybe it's not such a bad thing after all. What's there to lose anyway? Really, I don't have high expectations in this realm/area anymore. After everything that I've gone through in the last year especially, I'm learning to just be OK with me, and that's a big enough chore in and of itself. So here's to maybe having to be a spinster forever, and if I am, then I'll go over to S.E. Asia alone and be okay with that. Being with someone would be nice, but I'm not naive enough to think that they will complete me in any way, shape, or form, and that's ok and not what I'm looking for anyway. And there's my update post Valentine's :)
Must Love Art & Music

the end.

(image via le love)

After four months of unsuccessful attempts to meet someone online, I'm putting an end to my eHarmony subscription. Perhaps I'll open it back up at some point, but at least for the month of February, I'm taking a break. After a lot of thought, I've decided that I need to focus on a few other things at the moment, namely loving on myself. "Must love us" have taken on a whole new meaning for me . . . well, I guess it's more like, "must love me." I want to spend more time improving myself, not just because I want to find a boyfriend/husband, but because I want to feel more confident about who I am, which I think, in turn, will make me more appealing to a guy eventually.

This little experiment has opened my eyes to a lot of things:

• I still don't know what I'm looking for.
• I still don't know who I am.
• My girlfriends are so, so, precious to me.
• Online dating isn't as easy as it looks.
• I am not alone in my loneliness.

And I'm thankful for what I've learned.

But don't worry; this isn't the end of my blogging. I'll continue to write about my adventures as a single woman who is learning that she must love herself.

Three dates, one week

Maybe my actions, or interactions of late are exactly the kind of thing that my fellow bloggers hate... I have had three meetings with three guys in one week.
The first was on a Saturday. I got a text out of the blue, asking what I was doing later that night. "Mike" is a guy who I had been talking with and texting for a few weeks. He is a nice guy... He texts often, but mostly simple questions.
Besides, how can you really get to know a person through texting? So... Mike texted, asked me what I was doing and I let him know my availability. He asked if I wanted to get together around 9pm, since I already had dinner plans. I accepted and asked him what he would like to do....
He said that he would like to go to a movie. I was surprised. Dinner and a movie is great fun, but doesn't really seem appropriate when we have never before met face to face.
We got to the theatre and the movie time had been pushed back a half hour. This was good because it gave us a few minutes to sit and talk and find a little about each other. Sherlock Holmes started and the movie was pretty entertaining. Part way through the movie, Mike put his hand on my leg. the back of his hand... He was not so subtly asking to hold my hand.... I thought "first date?" "Are you serious?" "Who are you?" "Are you a guy who is only interested in the physical?" I looked at him and he smiled.
I figured that holding his hand couldn't hurt, and gave in. A little later during the movie he took out his phone and listened to a voicemail. Then he left the theatre to make a call. He was gone about 10 minutes. so strange! When he returned he asked if I was mad. I said "No." I wasn't mad. I guess because I was not emotionally invested in him at all, and also because it is his own choice to pay for the movie and then watch it or not.
After the movie, I said goodbye and that maybe we could meet again sometime. We hugged and he walked away. I was a little frustrated that he didn't have the courtesy to walk me to my vehicle, but oh well. Before I made it home, he texted me, asking "Do you really want to see me again?"... I told him that I didn't really know him, and that a movie isn't really conducive to learning about someone. We texted a couple of times after that, but I haven't heard from him in a while.

The Following Friday, I made plans to meet another guy from Match. "Ed" and I had exchanged several emails and a phone call or two. I felt that I knew him a lot better than Mike. He offered to drive half way to Boulder to meet, and we decided to meet at 7.
The day of my date I got a text from another friend. "Tony" is a guy I have knows for quite sometime. I haven't seen him in a number of years, as one or the other is always out of town. He let me know that he was at a happy hour near my work. i agreed to meet him for a drink or two, until my other plans required me to leave.
I knew that there was chemistry between us, but wasn't sure what it would be like to see him again. I knew he would be at the pub with several friends, so I wasn't expecting much in the way of Romance.
I got to the bar and found him easily. As soon as I sat down next to him we began talking, talking, talking. We talked about a bunch of things, and I noticed that he was completely ignoring his other friends! Before long I had to leave, and it was not a fun thought. Most of me just wanted to stay and hang with Tony. Tony was nice enough to walk me out the door of the bar, and gave me a great hug.
So I sped off time my time with Tony to go meet Ed. We met and had a nice time. We had a couple of good drinks while waiting for a table, and eventually sat down. We ordered guacamole that was made just for us and had a great meal. There was lots to talk about, and I enjoyed myself. It wasn't late, but we were both tired, so we called it an evening. Ed walked me to my car and made sure that I got in and it started. I waved goodbye and haven't heard from him since.

So, three up and at least two down.
None of these meetings were bad, but I don't know how much chemistry I feel for them.
Navigating the world of online dating is confusing! Who to talk to? Who to meet? Who to meet again??

I look forward to the days when this hunt is over, and I can just be committed to one person!

the big announcement

Well, as it turns out, I don't really have a big announcement for you.

I thought I did, but now I don't. Confused? I thought so.

Several weeks ago, a friend of ours contacted a local magazine about our project. The editor was interested, so we attempted to meet up with her a couple of times; however, due to several unfortunate events, the interview has yet to take place.

At this point, I'm not sure what will happen. We might have an article written about us, or we might not. Either way, we're grateful that they showed interest in us!

We'll keep you updated!

Multi-tasking

This post is in response to Sunrise's post from earlier this week. I've realized that on-line dating really requires you to be a good multi-tasker.

Ideally, you can juggle a dozen matches, all at different stages of communication. Keeping track of each person's answers, trying to ask appropriate follow up questions, and not tell the same person the same thing twice. I found myself cutting and pasting from one email communication to the next, and trying to modify them based on something they had told me in some previous communication. The easiest way of course was to have two or three eharmony windows open simultaneously so I could flip back and refresh myself as to what the topic of conversation was. But then a few times, I found myself so thoroughly confused as to what precisely it was that I was trying to accomplish I just had to start all over. And, I nearly sent the wrong person a message meant for another match once or twice (thankfully, I caught my error in time). It also gets pretty confusing when you are communicating with a couple of gents with the same fist name from the same town... Brian from Fort Collins has sent you a message. Excellent! Now, which Brian is this? Am I excited or just hoping this email sparks some conversation that is actually interesting?

I started the online process gung-ho, took a little break, then tried to do it "one-at-a-time" but discovered it can be frustrating when folks dont write back. So, in my last couple weeks online I messaged everyone and had the multi-tasking nightmare described above. I am not an excellent multi-tasker. Just like in my real job, if I have 7 projects to do I start one, get distracted by another, get interrupted a second time by a third (or forth or fifth or...) and at the end of the day I realize I have accomplished nothing.

I certainly feel the same strangeness that Sunrise felt regarding the extensive inter-dating that goes on. Its hard to actually open yourself up to possibilities when you realize the guy you are excited about is the same one your friend is excited about, or whom may be really excited about even a third friend of yours. In real life at least there is some sensitivity to the feelings of others in these types of situations, but online, it seems its all fair game.

Giving a bad review of a date also has interesting consequences when you realize after the fact that your friend is also communicating with them. And so I find myself loading on the moderating comments.... like, perhaps it was simply a case of mis-understanding, or though he's not right for me, but maybe he'll be right for you"?

My brain is a bit too simple to be handling all these overlaps... not only do you have to multi-task with the men you are matched with, you really do need to be multi-tasking with sensitivity to your girlfriends who are likely matched with the same men, and may have something going there.

Needless to say, I stopped my subscription to eharmony in order to take it a bit slower, one crush at a time, and hopefully not overlap with my girlfriends :-)

Cheaters never prosper....

Ok, so I have to confess...this process blurs the line of fidelity and monogamy for me. Pre on-line dating, I would never have considered allowing 5 men to pursue me. And I CERTAINLY would not have been OK with a guy asking me and one (or 2 or 3!) of my friends on dates simultaneously. But here we are, allowing this behavior, and really, expecting it. I'm not really comfortable with this, because I value commitment and intimacy (something I've figured out when having to answer some of the questions posed by guys, which is an unexpected benefit!).

But it can be pretty hilareous...at a party last night, I got to chatting with 3 other girls who have dabbled in the online dating scene. When I mentioned the names of the two guys I'm considering continuing to talk with, one gal piped up and told me she had in fact been on a date with one (and that she never needed to go on another one after he told her about taking his father to a strip club:(). The other guy, a handsome farmer from Castle Rock, had apparently been emailing with another one of my friends for some time. Unfortunately, he was terrible at asking questions to get to know her ( I'd also noticed how sparse his communications attempts were) and had a reputation for struggling when it came to actually asking to meet girls and go on dates. Yes, there are reputations in the online dating community. So, needless to say, the farmer won't be taking up one of my weeknights anytime soon.

And so the adventure continues...I sorta feel like I'm cheating on a bunch of not-that-interesting strangers who may or may not have faked their profiles and are actually creepy old men who live in Ned and pray on silly love-sick Boulder girls...Nice.

keep checking in . . .

. . . because we've got an exciting announcement for you.

Coming soon!